Having a *tremendously* difficult day, chums. My instinct is to clam up and go all internal and self-destructive, but that is a very stupid idea and so I am telling you instead. I'M HAVING A REALLY HORRIBLE TIME AT THE MOMENT AND TODAY IS PARTICULARLY BAD. If you are moved to, I wondered if you had any good news or funny memes or pics you might like to offload onto an Internet needy. LOVE YOU. ❤️
Discussion
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@TheBreadmonkey my impossible to please 22 year old daughter adored a valentines card with a popup dog that wants a hug
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@TheBreadmonkey Here is a toad eating a bug that you could have (or could in the future) send to someone for Valentine's Day. You can name your bug whatever you want. I named mine fascism.
I don't know you but I do hope that tomorrow is better than today for you.
@TheBreadmonkey since the solstice (well, since the earliest sunset), we have gained 1 hour, 33 mins and 39 secs of daylight back. That’s always encouraging, I think.
Hope things pick up soon. We’re coming back towards the sun.
@TheBreadmonkey
For the first time, I have a grandcat. The implications are staggering.
Her name is Cooper Black, named for the font.
@TheBreadmonkey Ben. You're very good at being... Ben. Like. You're very open about what's going on on the internet and it's immensely helpful to see people like you just being all "its me and I'm having a day" on the internet. I am phrasing this badly. But I appreciate all you do for the Sometimes I Have A Real Time Of It demographic. Much love etc
@TheBreadmonkey hey Ben, sorry you're having a bad day. I recorded some guitars and after much struggling, I do believe they sound quite good. so that's my good news!
HUZZAH! 🙌 😊 ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey Have a pic of the exit door at a parking garage we waited half an hour to get into called The! Parking, featuring Kumamon, the mascot of Kumamoto, Japan.
@TheBreadmonkey
sorry you are having a day. for your amusment pleasure I have two foul mouthed cichlids attacking the gravel vacuum.
@TheBreadmonkey all I have right now is a laundry meme.
@TheBreadmonkey may your wednesday be silkier
@TheBreadmonkey hey buddy! i too started this day pretty depressed. i knew "it is going to get worse if i let it eat away inside". i asked my friend if she could call and talk to me in a nice voice for 10 minutes, and she did <3 and it helped a lot. anyway, here is what i found earlier scrolling through my own post history.
This is excellent. Genuine big lols.
@TheBreadmonkey hahaha, bookmarked, thanks. 😅
but then let's not forget (timestamp 50s)
@TheBreadmonkey OK so yesterday was the fourth anniversary of the death of my maternal grandmother. And while I miss her, it's not a sad date. She had a long life, died at age 94. She was an avid sports fan and an avid game player, cards, board games, checkers whatever. Very competitive. To mark the day, my cousin taught her two little boys how to play solitaire.
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This is gorgeous. Thank you so much. I love it.
Please accept this picture of one of our previous house rabbits, Lola, enjoying a snooze on the hearth. This was not too long after her spay, explaining the just-regrowing fuzz on her belly.
Aw hey.
This is Lizzie and she is a cutie.
@TheBreadmonkey Almost forgot this gem
@TheBreadmonkey Hope things are feeling brighter soon.
A thing that’s made me happy over the last few months is that a few Tawny Frogmouth birds in my neighbourhood have hatched chicks this season and the babies look like muppets having an existential crisis
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@TheBreadmonkey I am so sorry I missed this earlier. While I was in hospital dying at Christmas (I got better), this made me laugh so much people whose job it was to worry about me came in to see if I was okay.
@TheBreadmonkey only reading this now Ben 
hope your day has turned for the better at least a bit... if I could I would have come over to change your light so it is shining bright again 
🪱💡 #lovesben #benfan
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey look at this belly!! Go ahead, give it a rub!
@TheBreadmonkey hope this helps
@TheBreadmonkey she gets really angry when she gets hungry and yes perhaps she does sometimes start eating books as revenge. her food is on an automatic timer btw
@TheBreadmonkey This is Joschi, an emergency dog. He's a very good boy and does a very good job to help in emergencies such as yours.
@TheBreadmonkey As an official emergency dog, Joschi is a member of Paw Patrol.
My joy for today is this snugglepuss. He had a bad case of sneezles, but now he has meds and is super happy again and full of treats.
@TheBreadmonkey Sorry to hear, sir. May this comic find/get you feeling better.
@TheBreadmonkey No idea what the hell "Teace Peach" means, but alright.
@Tock @TheBreadmonkey What else is in the teaches of Peaches? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cV6pnvCVM4
@Tock @TheBreadmonkey And we love you too, Ben!
BEN!
BEN, YOU ARE WONDERFUL!
BEN'S BRAIN, STOP BEING MEAN TO BEN! HE IS WONDERFUL!
YOU, WHO IS HE, ARE WONDERFUL!
@TheBreadmonkey here, cheer up. Don't be down
@TheBreadmonkey #SunshineSadie kangarooing through the snow
@TheBreadmonkey omg I'm so sorry. I had a great day today. I suspect your crap day was needed to balance the universe..
Lol. Cheers mate. 😂
Only messing. Glad you had a good day. If I had to choose someone to be the designated good-day-haver, it'd be you, because I think you're great. 😊 ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey
Black the dog was beginning to regret eating that bar of soap....
Hope this you ( and others) laugh.
@TheBreadmonkey
While sitting in a waiting room yesterday I noticed that one of the plants had a small, green rubber ducky. It brought me a little joy, so maybe it will for you as well.
@TheBreadmonkey Gave me a chuckle.
@TheBreadmonkey Here’s a tiny, spectacular nudibranch, one of many exceptionally beautiful, small sea slugs that just live in the oceans. 🩵💙💚 Feel better.
@TheBreadmonkey Hey Ben, I'm one of the countless lives you've touched. We're all pulling for you.
@TheBreadmonkey Hopefully this enormous thread has cheered you up, but just in case here's a very silly joke.
Knock knock
Who is there please
@TheBreadmonkey Werewolves of London
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh my god the payoff
@TheBreadmonkey I had a crappy Sunday morning so I made myself the ultimate comfort breakfast.
@TheBreadmonkey every 4 years, curling takes over the world. dont remember where I originally saw this.
Hope the day turns around for you. Maybe get a curry?
@TheBreadmonkey As grandma always said, "Turn that frown...into two eyebrows on your favorite dog."
@TheBreadmonkey would a very angry pepper help? Tbf I’d be angry if cut in half.
@helenclayton @TheBreadmonkey You reminded me of when I did this back in the twitter days. Didn't manage to start a trend unfortunately...
@TheBreadmonkey
I’m inspired that you posted this. I don’t have a funny meme or pic handy, but blasting love back atcha. 💞
@TheBreadmonkey would a picture I did of my cat in space help?
@TheBreadmonkey Hey there my friend.
I'm not a very funny person, but I have a cute pic of my cats for you, I hope that helps a little.
I hope tomorrow is just a tiny bit better for you.
@TheBreadmonkey I probably posted this already. Anyway. When my kid was four or so we were getting changed for swimming in the changing room cubicle. Out of nowhere he said, very loudly: "Daddy. What if someone kicked your penis off?"
Actual big lols
@TheBreadmonkey It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life. If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface,
@TheBreadmonkey My good news today is I bought a silly tee-shirt for Chinese new year (it's good luck to wear something bright so I had to upgrade because everything I own is black or navy!) and look how ridiculously pleased it makes me feel 😁
PINEAPPLES! 🍍 CATS! 😺
I absolutely love it
@TheBreadmonkey Sea angels from me ...
@TheBreadmonkey an otter i saw at oregon coast aquarium
@TheBreadmonkey by chance I was reminded of this amazing FarmFoods spoof just now, so I pass it on: https://youtu.be/_iabBYeEKmo
@TheBreadmonkey are these posts helping? 😸
@TheBreadmonkey would it make you laugh if I told you my work supervisor just said, "Stop beatboxing"? 😸
@TheBreadmonkey
I am so sorry you're having such a terrible time. This is the meme that is getting me through fascism over here.
@TheBreadmonkey I just had a great terryaki grilled chicken. Came battered on a sizzling skillet with bell peppers, bokchoi and onion.
@TheBreadmonkey
This cat video - posted by someone yesterday (I forgot who, sorry!) - made me laugh.
I hope it helps a little bit! ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey This always cheers me up https://youtu.be/wTcfDCjBqV0?si=6FXtmE1ftNnVvS_N
@TheBreadmonkey here you are, Sir. Hope it helps.
@TheBreadmonkey spero che trovi una soluzione tranquilla ai tuoi problemi, intanto suggerisco di fare il messaggio in lingua italiana,per avere più possibilità che persone leggano senza saltare l'annuncio auguruni,
A smolcat in a shaft of light
#catsofmastodon
@TheBreadmonkey
From the "Totally not a cult" file.
Hope you’ll find a runaway dog on a slalom course as funny as I did,
Feel better soon Ben.
Alt text: voice over of two dogs in a pool looking at a tennis ball about 2 feet below the surface.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DRdD_p1iY42/?igsh=MTVhbHY1bWVkMnBicg==
Hillary Ratcliff - Commonsense Dog Training | Truly the OG of dog videos ever @thegoldenbros_t.b @tristanmaloney #viraldogs #dogs #goldenretrieverstagram #bestdogvideos #bestdoggos... | Instagram
@TheBreadmonkey
Have a photo of #RaederlesNuggetTheCat getting ready to pounce on me as I get ready for bed a couple of night ago. Lest you think it’s his judgment face, it is not. That face has narrower eyes not wide open.
@TheBreadmonkey Has anyone told you what happens when you let a bunch of RPG-playing Italian metalheads loose on a funny meme?
Have yourself a tug, that should make it better.
@TheBreadmonkey made a horse
@TheBreadmonkey Happy to share. Hope you feel better soon. 🖤
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@TheBreadmonkey this is how my adorable meatball of a cat was lounging the other day
@TheBreadmonkey You're not alone in feeling this way. Thank you for your post. It helped me. Sorry for not having anything funny to share to help you.
I super appreciate your reply. Thanks and I'm glad. 😊 ❤️ 🙌
@TheBreadmonkey I hope you see this sage advice and achieve zen state
😊 🦓 (the emoji that came up when I typed in zen - I'm going with it)
This makes me laugh every single time. Sometimes I replay it over and over.
It's only 3 seconds long.
@TheBreadmonkey
*water is heard being poured in the bathroom*
Ted a blind 14 year old yellow cat is sitting on the couch.
Ted: “uhh oh, it’s bath day. I better go hide.”
*proceeds to nestle his way under a scarf on the couch*
Ted: “they’ll never find me here!”🥸
Me: 🤨
@TheBreadmonkey Hello, @TheBreadmonkey , I am here to cheer you up!
@TheBreadmonkey did I tell you about the time I had my five year old at the doctor. He looked at her date of birth on her chart and said "Oh! You were five last week." She at him like he might be stupidest person she had ever yet met and replied "No, I'm still five now?".
He had to concede.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
@TheBreadmonkey Hey mate, hold strong, offering words of support. And it's okay to feel feelings :)
@TheBreadmonkey Hugs. 🌹
Also, if techno is your thing, I have scheduled a techno upload on Mixcloud for 11pm.
🎵
NGL (as the kids say), I'm a bit partial to a bit of techno. Idly wandered over to have a look and you got me with this one....
https://www.mixcloud.com/caroline-hamilton/hale-bopp-and-other-dazzling-classics-1992-2004/
This is my go to.
Imagine, if you will, the front paws making air biscuits.
Hope you feel better in time, or the thing that made your brain sad stops happening!
@TheBreadmonkey There are a lot of animals here--and rightly so. Sometimes I think humans don't deserve to share their planet.
But here's a story I found this morning about humans doing good for an animal (a very clever animal!), and it gives me hope.
Injured by a fishing hook, this seabird knocked on the ER door for help | PBS
@TheBreadmonkey here's the only popular thing I've ever uploaded to YouTube, my eldest nephew when he was a baby, chuckling madly at my sister doing the “pee-poh” thing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIWyMv-dfqI
(He's 20 now, and a proper music nerd, which is great news for me. Hope you're doing a bit better this afternoon. x)
@TheBreadmonkey
At least you don't have to worry about randy dolphins like this poor guy… At least I hope you don't? 🤔🤷
A meme I saved donkeys years ago.
@TheBreadmonkey Ben, thank you for reaching out! What needs doing first?
Well I need a million pounds which is basically top of the list, the end of the lost and the entire list. Everything else is gravy.
@TheBreadmonkey Actual sign I saw on a walk yesterday.
@TheBreadmonkey As I really enjoyed the thread it‘s only fair I also leave something for your amusement. Two lovely horses dashing through the snow. It was in fact a two horse open sleigh, but jingling all the way. Hope you feel better.
@TheBreadmonkey
These two raccoons would be happy to help you eat some cheeseburger, if necessary. If they can haz them.
“YOU BETTER GO AND GIVE BEN SOME LOVE AND APPRECIATION IF YOU EVER WANT TO VISIT MY GARDEN OF JOY EVER AGAIN!”
@TheBreadmonkey This always cheers me up. I hope you're feeling better soon, you lovely human.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqbVbPvlDoM
How absolutely marvelous
Good things today:
Seeing posts by an online acquaintance exploring their identity
Contribution to the German free rpg day (team effort) is nearing completion, aka off to the printer
Thinking about nice Korean dramas
And I'm looking forward to choir rehearsal tonight.
@TheBreadmonkey Sorry things are tough today. Here’s a little photobomb.
@StaceyCornelius Reminds me of this photo of my dogs. Was trying to get a pic of Benson in his new bed and Leeloo booped my phone causing the pic to be taken.
#greyhounds #GreyhoundsOfMastodon #Dogs #DogsOfMastodon #Benson #Leeloo
@TheBreadmonkey Would you like animal...
a house in one would be nice.
https://ceresgs.com/nature-houses-the-architectural-trend-bringing-people-closer-to-nature/
@TheBreadmonkey Are you a fan of cats? If not, I apologise for what's about to follow; if you are, here's a photo of our cat, Freida, looking absolutely thrilled with herself at being so resourceful that she can "find" a warm duvet to snooze on.
@TheBreadmonkey how's "dueling banjos" grab you? (The artist is someone on here, but I don't remember who)
@TheBreadmonkey He made an error in the previous round and thought he’d ruined their chances. She told him not to give up and they produced a Gold winning performance which lifted them from fifth to first position.
It was a thing of beauty which moved me to tears.
Hang in there, Ben.
https://beige.party/@wilpercy/116084388974354118
Edit: blasted typos.
Thanks Will. Appreciate you. 🙌 😊 ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey
I hear you.
When I need a smile, I turn to golden-era BABYMETAL. I hope this helps. All I can do is point you at what works for me. Here are three Japanese girls playing tag with a demon...
🦊
https://youtu.be/KDlo8XE1g-E?si=HM8aoSkTYtfqZJHt
Absolutely LOVED this
@TheBreadmonkey
Try going for a drive?
@TheBreadmonkey here is a sign I saw in Tokyo that made me laugh
@TheBreadmonkey "Clam up" I see what you did there crustbenstacean. Thought you might still be on your vacocean... Sorry to hear you're having a hard day - thought I'd come along with yesterday's puntmanteaus to cheer you up.
Sorry you're having a bad brain day. I have also been having bad brain days but today I feel EPIC, which I am explaining to myself as a result of having a lovely piece of roast cow for tea yesterday with loads of green salad - pea shoots, rocket and beetroot shoots.
Hrm. Maybe me having a good day and eating roast animal isn't what you wanted to hear...
Anyway: much hugginess, old chap. You'll get there in the end, wherever there is.
@TheBreadmonkey May I offer you a bumper thread of people's favourite memes? Some of these had me howling (thread may crash your browser, it got kinda big) https://glitterkitten.co.uk/@babe/115226635755001123
@TheBreadmonkey Of all of them I think the dogs one was my favourite, and the bird the most relatable
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@TheBreadmonkey I was cheered this morning by hearing that JRR Tolkein sent two copies of The Hobbit to be published because one had been badly typed up by one of his sons but he didn't want him to feel bad, and no-one knew until something like thirty years later.
@TheBreadmonkey So how is the Daylight Ben Saving Time Hour going? Tell us? We need a chryon scrolling across the bottoms of all our screens with your thoughts and emotions in real time even before you have fully formed them...
Oh, maybe not THAT one... No, nor THAT one. Nor THAT one... Um Ben, what's going on in there?
@TheBreadmonkey Children's letters to the tooth fairy: https://wellcomecollection.org/stories/dear-tooth-fairy (only because my youngest is in there)
Took my bike to the cemetery.
Loved it.
Bad thing about the cold: Black ice everywhere.
Good thing about the cold: No bloody mud blowing into my face.
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@TheBreadmonkey Here's a terrible photo of a squirrel trying to work out if my camera is edible
@TheBreadmonkey Spotted in my neighborhood recently - one of the most #GenX bumper stickers ever. Almost didn’t even notice it.
@TheBreadmonkey Sorry to hear.
@TheBreadmonkey just your reminder that one can ask - made my day one bit less self destructive! You have effected good change in the world.
@TheBreadmonkey No message, just Steve the otter.
I'm really sorry things are hard. Have you ever seen "Beard With Glue"?
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party
@ludrol @TheBreadmonkey Other people saw this, too, right? It wasn’t some fever dream?
@TheBreadmonkey My glasses are under there and I just didn't have the heart to move her. When our tuxedo was a baby he slept and stayed in the walker. Now that they are older he rarely goes in there but Hazelnut (the larger of the two) thinks this is her loafing spot now. She won't let me push her around like he did.
I hope those brain gremlins are quiet soon. Maybe we can send them away with mine? 🫂
@TheBreadmonkey "El va a estar bien, verdad?" 😂😂😂
#Dogs #Dogstodon #DogsOfMastodon
@TheBreadmonkey Have the very first photo in my phone.
@TheBreadmonkey a picture from where I am currently sitting.
@TheBreadmonkey I've had some very crappy days recently too, so I get it. Hoping the sight of Bob the Therapy Dog will cheer you a little. https://mastodon.social/@cazmockett/116085975442311724
@TheBreadmonkey have a cat. Pretty chill.
@TheBreadmonkey Jenkins was willing to sacrifice himself for you (and bloobs)
@TheBreadmonkey I saw this dog when I was shopping a few weeks ago and he was awesome!
@TheBreadmonkey I don't have anything funny at hand (barely started my coffee, still half asleep), but this Red-Shouldered Hawk cheered me up when I saw it perched near a train station a few months ago and I hope it brightens your mood.
Also, sharing a cuppa. c(_) c(_)
Lovely, and fab alttext. ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey Hugs. Mr Swallow's Jurassic Park libretto should help.
Oh no, whaaaat's thaaaat?
@TheBreadmonkey Pardon whaaaaaats thaaaaaaat?
@TheBreadmonkey The first one with the lorry is nuts.
@TheBreadmonkey I hope things improve soon 
For my part I offer a snowman very excited to be going down a slide.
@TheBreadmonkey This cheered me up this morning: https://mastodon.world/@paulaborchardt/116081122289033746
@lexicaleigh My son shared that with me last night! Bless those little flightless mossy rocks. ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey
@TheBreadmonkey Does it help to know I have on occasion used your rants about how much you don't want to go for a run to motivate myself to go for a run? "Well if Ben hates it this much and he can make himself do it you can at least make a bit of an effort to get out there" sort of thing
That's lovely. Yes it does help actually. 😊 ❤️ 🏃♀️ 🙌
@TheBreadmonkey Good. Take care of yourself X
@TheBreadmonkey Here is my cat Ozzie trying to eat my flowers.
@superflippy Some cats really like eating roses! We used to get Venus a rose for valentine's day once we realized she loved them. ❤️❤️❤️
@TheBreadmonkey
@TheBreadmonkey This photo is printed and hanging in our living room. You have to look closely to see why it's not what you think it is.
@hananc @TheBreadmonkey oh, you can’t leave us hanging like this!
@TheBreadmonkey I find browsing through the #Caturday and #CatsOfMastodon tags good on such days. 🫂
![int%rmitt]nt sig^al. ...~!...)](https://files.mastodon.social/accounts/avatars/109/499/796/936/566/862/original/8eb5f8cb811a079a.png "int%rmitt]nt sig^al. ...~!...)")
@TheBreadmonkey This made me laugh recently.
Enoch Burke is an Irish secondary school teacher who has been involved in a long-running legal battle with Wilson's Hospital School in County Westmeath, resulting in him spending more than 550 days in prison across multiple stints for contempt of court. As of January 19, 2026, he is back in Mountjoy Prison following his fifth period of incarceration for breaching a court order prohibiting him from attending the school grounds.
Origins of the Case
Suspension (2022): Burke was suspended from his teaching position in August 2022 following a dispute regarding his refusal to address a transgender student by a new name and "they" pronouns. The school's disciplinary process also cited his conduct at a school religious service.
Dismissed: He was subsequently dismissed from his position for gross misconduct.
Legal Action: The school obtained a High Court injunction preventing him from trespassing on the school premises.
Contempt of Court and Imprisonment
Defying Court Orders: Burke has consistently refused to stay away from the school, leading to multiple arrests for contempt of court.
Multiple Stints in Jail: He was jailed in September 2022, released, and jailed again in September 2023. Further, he was incarcerated in November 2025 and again in January 2026.
Position on Imprisonment: Burke contends he is being jailed for his religious beliefs and his opposition to "transgenderism". The High Court has repeatedly maintained that he is in prison for contempt of court—specifically, for breaking a court order to stay away from the school—rather than for his religious views.
Fines: He has been fined over €225,000 for non-compliance, with some of this amount recovered from his salary.
Recent Developments (2026)
January 2026: After a brief release in mid-January 2026 to allow him to prepare for a new legal challenge, he immediately returned to the school, leading to his re-arrest and return to prison on January 19, 2026.
Legal Standing: The High Court has described his behavior as a "fanatical campaign" and a "sustained and deliberate attack" on the authority of the courts.
Burke, from a deeply religious family in County Mayo, has vowed to continue his actions, stating he is fulfilling his duty as a teacher.
great, another one.
@TheBreadmonkey Jimmy reminds you that one of the consequences of trying is the occasional face plant. Hang in there!
@TheBreadmonkey oh hell's teeth Ben, sorry to hear this. I have interrupted my mad kitchen happy hardcore dancing while making v cheesy pasta - more cheesy than the playlist - to offer you a bag full of virtual 🫂 s...
@DamonHD ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 😊 🕺
@TheBreadmonkey I have gone deep into the archives to retrieve this, an exquisite post of yore. I hope it pleases you on this sullen day, my lord:
I loveth it very much
oh no.😟 I'm so sorry you had a rough day. Sending big enthusiastic affectionate hugs because you deserve to have the "best-est" day.
@TheBreadmonkey Have a cute/rude little tomato. Sorry I don't have anything funnier
@TheBreadmonkey Would you like to see my illegal jar?
DON'T LOOK AT IT EITHER!
But...i did look just now...
and made use of it to laugh....
One moment, ill finish this posta fter i answer the door...
@TheBreadmonkey @eleanorrees Don't even think about it.
@TheBreadmonkey Expecting the knock on the door any minute.
@TheBreadmonkey This is a kappa. They live in rivers, like cucumbers, and eat small children. But, if the water in the dent on top of their head spills out, they lose their power. So if you meet a kappa you just need to bow at them, and when they politely bow back the water spills out and you're safe.
Much of the sign has faded so I'm not sure what it's about, but I assume it's there to warn children, since it's directly above the riverside where they fly koi flags on childrens' day.
@TheBreadmonkey The footprints of a hare in the snow under a pale morning sun.
@TheBreadmonkey I don't really have anything funny, but I am sending many good thoughts your way. I hope your day improves! ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey I'll get right on that once I finish my bath.
You dzitree, DZIRTEE ole man
@TheBreadmonkey Only the bits I can't reach.
@TheBreadmonkey I can only offer you an image of an insanely handsome horse
@TheBreadmonkey I keep it on my phone as a self-esteem goal!
@TheBreadmonkey it was just the fastest thing I could find on my phone for your post 🫂