Having a *tremendously* difficult day, chums. My instinct is to clam up and go all internal and self-destructive, but that is a very stupid idea and so I am telling you instead. I'M HAVING A REALLY HORRIBLE TIME AT THE MOMENT AND TODAY IS PARTICULARLY BAD. If you are moved to, I wondered if you had any good news or funny memes or pics you might like to offload onto an Internet needy. LOVE YOU. ❤️
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@TheBreadmonkey Sea angels from me ...
@TheBreadmonkey an otter i saw at oregon coast aquarium
@TheBreadmonkey by chance I was reminded of this amazing FarmFoods spoof just now, so I pass it on: https://youtu.be/_iabBYeEKmo
@TheBreadmonkey
I am so sorry you're having such a terrible time. This is the meme that is getting me through fascism over here.
@TheBreadmonkey I just had a great terryaki grilled chicken. Came battered on a sizzling skillet with bell peppers, bokchoi and onion.
@TheBreadmonkey
This cat video - posted by someone yesterday (I forgot who, sorry!) - made me laugh.
I hope it helps a little bit! ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey This always cheers me up https://youtu.be/wTcfDCjBqV0?si=6FXtmE1ftNnVvS_N
@TheBreadmonkey here you are, Sir. Hope it helps.
@TheBreadmonkey spero che trovi una soluzione tranquilla ai tuoi problemi, intanto suggerisco di fare il messaggio in lingua italiana,per avere più possibilità che persone leggano senza saltare l'annuncio auguruni,
A smolcat in a shaft of light
#catsofmastodon
@TheBreadmonkey
From the "Totally not a cult" file.
Hope you’ll find a runaway dog on a slalom course as funny as I did,
Feel better soon Ben.
Alt text: voice over of two dogs in a pool looking at a tennis ball about 2 feet below the surface.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DRdD_p1iY42/?igsh=MTVhbHY1bWVkMnBicg==
Hillary Ratcliff - Commonsense Dog Training | Truly the OG of dog videos ever @thegoldenbros_t.b @tristanmaloney #viraldogs #dogs #goldenretrieverstagram #bestdogvideos #bestdoggos... | Instagram
@TheBreadmonkey
Have a photo of #RaederlesNuggetTheCat getting ready to pounce on me as I get ready for bed a couple of night ago. Lest you think it’s his judgment face, it is not. That face has narrower eyes not wide open.
@TheBreadmonkey Has anyone told you what happens when you let a bunch of RPG-playing Italian metalheads loose on a funny meme?
Have yourself a tug, that should make it better.
@TheBreadmonkey made a horse
@TheBreadmonkey Happy to share. Hope you feel better soon. 🖤
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@TheBreadmonkey this is how my adorable meatball of a cat was lounging the other day
@TheBreadmonkey You're not alone in feeling this way. Thank you for your post. It helped me. Sorry for not having anything funny to share to help you.
@TheBreadmonkey I hope you see this sage advice and achieve zen state
This makes me laugh every single time. Sometimes I replay it over and over.
It's only 3 seconds long.
@TheBreadmonkey
*water is heard being poured in the bathroom*
Ted a blind 14 year old yellow cat is sitting on the couch.
Ted: “uhh oh, it’s bath day. I better go hide.”
*proceeds to nestle his way under a scarf on the couch*
Ted: “they’ll never find me here!”🥸
Me: 🤨
@TheBreadmonkey Hello, @TheBreadmonkey , I am here to cheer you up!
@TheBreadmonkey did I tell you about the time I had my five year old at the doctor. He looked at her date of birth on her chart and said "Oh! You were five last week." She at him like he might be stupidest person she had ever yet met and replied "No, I'm still five now?".
He had to concede.
@TheBreadmonkey Hey mate, hold strong, offering words of support. And it's okay to feel feelings :)
@TheBreadmonkey Hugs. 🌹
Also, if techno is your thing, I have scheduled a techno upload on Mixcloud for 11pm.
🎵
NGL (as the kids say), I'm a bit partial to a bit of techno. Idly wandered over to have a look and you got me with this one....
https://www.mixcloud.com/caroline-hamilton/hale-bopp-and-other-dazzling-classics-1992-2004/
This is my go to.
Imagine, if you will, the front paws making air biscuits.
Hope you feel better in time, or the thing that made your brain sad stops happening!
@TheBreadmonkey There are a lot of animals here--and rightly so. Sometimes I think humans don't deserve to share their planet.
But here's a story I found this morning about humans doing good for an animal (a very clever animal!), and it gives me hope.
Injured by a fishing hook, this seabird knocked on the ER door for help | PBS
@TheBreadmonkey here's the only popular thing I've ever uploaded to YouTube, my eldest nephew when he was a baby, chuckling madly at my sister doing the “pee-poh” thing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZIWyMv-dfqI
(He's 20 now, and a proper music nerd, which is great news for me. Hope you're doing a bit better this afternoon. x)
@TheBreadmonkey
At least you don't have to worry about randy dolphins like this poor guy… At least I hope you don't? 🤔🤷
A meme I saved donkeys years ago.
@TheBreadmonkey Ben, thank you for reaching out! What needs doing first?
Well I need a million pounds which is basically top of the list, the end of the lost and the entire list. Everything else is gravy.
@TheBreadmonkey Actual sign I saw on a walk yesterday.
@TheBreadmonkey As I really enjoyed the thread it‘s only fair I also leave something for your amusement. Two lovely horses dashing through the snow. It was in fact a two horse open sleigh, but jingling all the way. Hope you feel better.
@TheBreadmonkey
These two raccoons would be happy to help you eat some cheeseburger, if necessary. If they can haz them.
“YOU BETTER GO AND GIVE BEN SOME LOVE AND APPRECIATION IF YOU EVER WANT TO VISIT MY GARDEN OF JOY EVER AGAIN!”
@TheBreadmonkey This always cheers me up. I hope you're feeling better soon, you lovely human.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HqbVbPvlDoM
How absolutely marvelous
Good things today:
Seeing posts by an online acquaintance exploring their identity
Contribution to the German free rpg day (team effort) is nearing completion, aka off to the printer
Thinking about nice Korean dramas
And I'm looking forward to choir rehearsal tonight.
@TheBreadmonkey Sorry things are tough today. Here’s a little photobomb.
@TheBreadmonkey Would you like animal...
@TheBreadmonkey Are you a fan of cats? If not, I apologise for what's about to follow; if you are, here's a photo of our cat, Freida, looking absolutely thrilled with herself at being so resourceful that she can "find" a warm duvet to snooze on.
@TheBreadmonkey how's "dueling banjos" grab you? (The artist is someone on here, but I don't remember who)
@TheBreadmonkey He made an error in the previous round and thought he’d ruined their chances. She told him not to give up and they produced and Gold winning performance which lifted them from fifth the first position.
It was a thing of beauty which moved me to tears.
Hang in there, Ben.
@TheBreadmonkey
I hear you.
When I need a smile, I turn to golden-era BABYMETAL. I hope this helps. All I can do is point you at what works for me. Here are three Japanese girls playing tag with a demon...
🦊
https://youtu.be/KDlo8XE1g-E?si=HM8aoSkTYtfqZJHt
Absolutely LOVED this
@TheBreadmonkey
Try going for a drive?
@TheBreadmonkey here is a sign I saw in Tokyo that made me laugh
@TheBreadmonkey "Clam up" I see what you did there crustbenstacean. Thought you might still be on your vacocean... Sorry to hear you're having a hard day - thought I'd come along with yesterday's puntmanteaus to cheer you up.
Sorry you're having a bad brain day. I have also been having bad brain days but today I feel EPIC, which I am explaining to myself as a result of having a lovely piece of roast cow for tea yesterday with loads of green salad - pea shoots, rocket and beetroot shoots.
Hrm. Maybe me having a good day and eating roast animal isn't what you wanted to hear...
Anyway: much hugginess, old chap. You'll get there in the end, wherever there is.
@TheBreadmonkey May I offer you a bumper thread of people's favourite memes? Some of these had me howling (thread may crash your browser, it got kinda big) https://glitterkitten.co.uk/@babe/115226635755001123
@TheBreadmonkey Of all of them I think the dogs one was my favourite, and the bird the most relatable
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@TheBreadmonkey I was cheered this morning by hearing that JRR Tolkein sent two copies of The Hobbit to be published because one had been badly typed up by one of his sons but he didn't want him to feel bad, and no-one knew until something like thirty years later.
@TheBreadmonkey So how is the Daylight Ben Saving Time Hour going? Tell us? We need a chryon scrolling across the bottoms of all our screens with your thoughts and emotions in real time even before you have fully formed them...
Oh, maybe not THAT one... No, nor THAT one. Nor THAT one... Um Ben, what's going on in there?
@TheBreadmonkey Children's letters to the tooth fairy: https://wellcomecollection.org/stories/dear-tooth-fairy (only because my youngest is in there)
Took my bike to the cemetery.
Loved it.
Bad thing about the cold: Black ice everywhere.
Good thing about the cold: No bloody mud blowing into my face.
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@TheBreadmonkey Here's a terrible photo of a squirrel trying to work out if my camera is edible
@TheBreadmonkey Spotted in my neighborhood recently - one of the most #GenX bumper stickers ever. Almost didn’t even notice it.
@TheBreadmonkey Sorry to hear.
@TheBreadmonkey just your reminder that one can ask - made my day one bit less self destructive! You have effected good change in the world.
@TheBreadmonkey No message, just Steve the otter.
I'm really sorry things are hard. Have you ever seen "Beard With Glue"?
@TheBreadmonkey@beige.party
@ludrol @TheBreadmonkey Other people saw this, too, right? It wasn’t some fever dream?
@TheBreadmonkey My glasses are under there and I just didn't have the heart to move her. When our tuxedo was a baby he slept and stayed in the walker. Now that they are older he rarely goes in there but Hazelnut (the larger of the two) thinks this is her loafing spot now. She won't let me push her around like he did.
I hope those brain gremlins are quiet soon. Maybe we can send them away with mine? 🫂
@TheBreadmonkey "El va a estar bien, verdad?" 😂😂😂
#Dogs #Dogstodon #DogsOfMastodon
@TheBreadmonkey Have the very first photo in my phone.
@TheBreadmonkey a picture from where I am currently sitting.
@TheBreadmonkey I've had some very crappy days recently too, so I get it. Hoping the sight of Bob the Therapy Dog will cheer you a little. https://mastodon.social/@cazmockett/116085975442311724
@TheBreadmonkey have a cat. Pretty chill.
@TheBreadmonkey Jenkins was willing to sacrifice himself for you (and bloobs)
@TheBreadmonkey I saw this dog when I was shopping a few weeks ago and he was awesome!
@TheBreadmonkey I don't have anything funny at hand (barely started my coffee, still half asleep), but this Red-Shouldered Hawk cheered me up when I saw it perched near a train station a few months ago and I hope it brightens your mood.
Also, sharing a cuppa. c(_) c(_)
Lovely, and fab alttext. ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey Hugs. Mr Swallow's Jurassic Park libretto should help.
Oh no, whaaaat's thaaaat?
@TheBreadmonkey Pardon whaaaaaats thaaaaaaat?
@TheBreadmonkey The first one with the lorry is nuts.
May The Force be with you!
@TheBreadmonkey I hope things improve soon 
For my part I offer a snowman very excited to be going down a slide.
@TheBreadmonkey This cheered me up this morning: https://mastodon.world/@paulaborchardt/116081122289033746
@TheBreadmonkey Does it help to know I have on occasion used your rants about how much you don't want to go for a run to motivate myself to go for a run? "Well if Ben hates it this much and he can make himself do it you can at least make a bit of an effort to get out there" sort of thing
That's lovely. Yes it does help actually. 😊 ❤️ 🏃♀️ 🙌
@TheBreadmonkey Good. Take care of yourself X
@TheBreadmonkey Here is my cat Ozzie trying to eat my flowers.
@TheBreadmonkey This photo is printed and hanging in our living room. You have to look closely to see why it's not what you think it is.
@TheBreadmonkey I find browsing through the #Caturday and #CatsOfMastodon tags good on such days. 🫂
![int%rmitt]nt sig^al. ...~!...)](https://files.mastodon.social/accounts/avatars/109/499/796/936/566/862/original/8eb5f8cb811a079a.png "int%rmitt]nt sig^al. ...~!...)")
@TheBreadmonkey This made me laugh recently.
@TheBreadmonkey Jimmy reminds you that one of the consequences of trying is the occasional face plant. Hang in there!
@TheBreadmonkey oh hell's teeth Ben, sorry to hear this. I have interrupted my mad kitchen happy hardcore dancing while making v cheesy pasta - more cheesy than the playlist - to offer you a bag full of virtual 🫂 s...
@DamonHD ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 😊 🕺
@TheBreadmonkey I have gone deep into the archives to retrieve this, an exquisite post of yore. I hope it pleases you on this sullen day, my lord:
I loveth it very much
oh no.😟 I'm so sorry you had a rough day. Sending big enthusiastic affectionate hugs because you deserve to have the "best-est" day.
@TheBreadmonkey Have a cute/rude little tomato. Sorry I don't have anything funnier
@TheBreadmonkey Would you like to see my illegal jar?
DON'T LOOK AT IT EITHER!
But...i did look just now...
and made use of it to laugh....
One moment, ill finish this posta fter i answer the door...
@TheBreadmonkey @eleanorrees Don't even think about it.
@TheBreadmonkey Expecting the knock on the door any minute.
@TheBreadmonkey This is a kappa. They live in rivers, like cucumbers, and eat small children. But, if the water in the dent on top of their head spills out, they lose their power. So if you meet a kappa you just need to bow at them, and when they politely bow back the water spills out and you're safe.
Much of the sign has faded so I'm not sure what it's about, but I assume it's there to warn children, since it's directly above the riverside where they fly koi flags on childrens' day.
@TheBreadmonkey The footprints of a hare in the snow under a pale morning sun.
@TheBreadmonkey I don't really have anything funny, but I am sending many good thoughts your way. I hope your day improves! ❤️
@TheBreadmonkey I'll get right on that once I finish my bath.
You dzitree, DZIRTEE ole man
@TheBreadmonkey Only the bits I can't reach.
@TheBreadmonkey I can only offer you an image of an insanely handsome horse
@TheBreadmonkey I keep it on my phone as a self-esteem goal!
@TheBreadmonkey it was just the fastest thing I could find on my phone for your post 🫂