@jonny@social.coop
I'm late but I need a good one tn please #monsterdon I pray you are not a Jules Verne movie
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first frames i hit play and we are doing movie radiology on a mummy, thank you #monsterdon , thank you
in 1982 was there still enough residual cultural memory of egyptomania that it would make sense for the archaeologists or whoever these ppl are to be generously funded to the tune of having a huge radioactive gizmo to point at their mummies #monsterdon
"chill out, no need to search for the mummy, we'll just wait until someone comes into the hospital with mummyitis" #monsterdon
it's actually fine to have a green mummy fungus eaten hand, the hollywood beauty standards are just out of control #monsterdon
i looked away and thought we were going to get a sapphic bechdel pass and it was the upset gf spying on some tiddies, unfortunately heterosexuality intervened #monsterdon
Goofs: the radio DJ jokes about a rent crisis despite the movie being set in 1982 and not right now #monsterdon
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THE BACKGROUND music is doing exactly the seinfeld synth horn beeps and they will NOT GET AWAY with this #monsterdon
FUNNY HOW the MUMMY NECKLACE I GAVE YOU has started LIGHTING UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS LIGHT and GIVING OFF AN OMINOUS HUM. #monsterdon
good cop, sad desperate cop begging with the perp like they're his cheating wife cop #monsterdon
"what did he look like"
"...mummy..."
well there's your case of mummyitis!!! #monsterdon
ya ya just put some um lines on the oscilloscope and um flip them #monsterdon
the mummy has adapted AWFULLY QUICKLY to the existence of electromagnetism #monsterdon
"mummy... touch.... cables... which.... as i have.... recently learned.... transmit something callled... ....... 𝘊𝘜𝘙𝘙𝘌𝘕𝘛"
please go in an ancient aliens direction please go in an ancient aliens direction #monsterdon
i'm catching like 30% of the dialogue so sory if i am just hoping for things that have already been made text in the movie #monsterdon
who spirit gum'd this man's moustache on you have put it practically inside his nose #monsterdon
contemporary hospitals suffer from a phenomenon known as "alarm fatigue" where the uncoordinated mass of sensors and devices make it very difficult to tell when a device is malfunctioning normally and when the patient has succumbed to a mummy fungus and 30% of the surface area of their body is bone now #monsterdon
t+0: "somebody musta broke in"
t+1: (green paste covering the entire door)
t+2: "it's the fungus"
and that's how you do a two second exposition scene to make sure everyone is still aware that the mummy fungus is happening #monsterdon
nowadays the cool thing at frat parties is to always carry a roll of toilet paper in case someone shouts a joke about current events undirectedly into the room so you can do a relevant mummy-related sight gag as a group #monsterdon
LISTEN when i tell you that it is such a true reflection of the inherent vice of fraternities and sororities that they might throw a party themed after the thing that is killing all their friends, what i mean is that this was the UNANIMOUS RESPONSE to something called "covid 19" #monsterdon
listen toots if you think i'm buttoning up my shirt to go check on whether the mummy fungus has figured out how to manipulate the electric grid, you can think again #monsterdon
at Anytown University we made sure to put the archaeology department inside a nuclear reactor, just in case #monsterdon
let me be clear i have yet to discern any distinct characters and am perceiving this movie as a disconnected fluid of line delivery where every person is brand new in every scene #monsterdon
the closest i can come is
- guy whose shirt is too unbuttoned
- bowtie professor,
- smart glasses woman (mild antagonist)
- incorrect aspect ratio mustache
- extremely cheap split grain leather jacket
and the rest are interchangeable #monsterdon
the plot requires that there be two men chasing this woman's affection, but since the two men are not distinct entities and neither is the woman it's impossible to say what it means that one of the men gave her the bracelet because they are the same man #monsterdon
ANCIENT ALIENS DIRECTION!@!!!!!!! CONFIRMED!!!! #monsterdon
the necklace is so loud that it can be heard at uniform intensity at all distances from the woman, so she must have already been deafened and become unaware of the necklace #monsterdon
ok if she starts running into the dark lit by the light of the glowing mummy necklace that will be the end of me #monsterdon
YA GIRL ITS THE ONLY THING YOU HAVE EVER HEARD OR SEEN THAT LOOKS LIKE THAT THAT IS THE PROBLEM, YOU ARE LEARNING! #monsterdon
holy shit did they just take great pains to slow-mo show us that the mummy means no harm and has just been trying to recollect its orbs. #MummyRedemptionArc #MummyIntegrationIntoModernSocietyArc #monsterdon
none! of the scientists! ever suspected! the extremely loud glowing jewelry! that suddenly started showing up around town with the mummy!!!!! narrative tension has peaked!!! #monsterdon
fashion is important everyone, if you don't pay attention to props and costumes then you might miss how some people are wandering around with crystals that behave unlike any known crystalline matter by continuously emitting the loudest most alien sound you have ever heard #monsterdon
mummy is just trying to go hooooooommmmeeeee lets goooooo #monsterdon
you see when mummies levitate to be peeping toms in order to return to their home planet, it is ok. however when split grain leather jacket guys do it, it temporarily causes an inconsequential girlfriend crying scene #monsterdon
the time mummy is well aware that across sociological time, conspicuously going only for the space orb and leaving the culture's women alone is how you get back to your home planet #monsterdon
whgo in the everloving fuck are these guys and why are they doing things that seem to be plotlike in the middle of my mummy returning home sequence #monsterdon
let's go mummy!!!!!!!!! get yourself home!!! yes!!!!!!! #monsterdon
his ass is fully charged!!!! initiate the mummy beam!!! #monsterdon