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THREAD 1/
What I can say about photographing my own body is that it's one of the most mentally and emotionally challenging things I've ever done. Turns out twenty years of therapy barely touched the damage that the 90s, and subsequent decades, did to my body image. Turns out that even at age 42, the most confident and happy I’ve ever been, the internet being populated with 'perfect bodies' sours a relationship with my own.
@kristiedegaris that is really beautiful. You’re right, I saw it as a landscape when I first looked at it.
@kristiedegaris I like the picture you have taken, even though I liked the 90s as well.
@Lioh I didn't not like the 90s, I didn't like the suuuuper fucked up body image lessons that were taught to young women. Thanks, I'm glad you like the photograph.
the Heroin chic of the 90s was something I never understood. Ok, 80s Supermodels where the other extreme but both we're far away from most real people.
Nevertheless I think "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." and this is true for everyone. And I see an interesting dark landscape, not quite sure what part I see, but hat doesn't matter - reminds me somewhat to waves in moonlight or dunes at night. Very athmospheric.
Be proud of you!
@kristiedegaris if you mean Models like Kate Moss I fully agree, yet the 90s had a very aesthetic view, not exclusively on human bodies.
@kristiedegaris Wow, this is going in the very right direction. Really looking forward to the results.
2/
The temptation was to arch my back, suck in my tummy and push out my tits. The drive to prioritise sexual attractiveness and the male gaze still so inbuilt. But folds and creases are far more visually interesting.
I'm still in the experimentation phase of this project, figuring out what works and what doesn't, watching things come together, or not. I like the abstraction here, how my body has become landscape.
3/3
This evening I feel like I've done an intense therapy session. Today I felt grief and disgust, fondness and defiance all at once.
END
@kristiedegaris On many emotional levels, what you've done here is ... <lost for words>.
Just positive vibes and much respect from me.
From here, it looks like a rejection of old invalid values, and moving on to reclaim things in your own way.
Lots to unpick. I hope you work it out.
@kristiedegaris This must have taken significant courage, given all that you've outlined. Despite the pain, I percieve both the art and the message as beautiful. Thank you for sharing this.
@chriszx I don't know if it's courage, I think acceptance that I have these feelings and that I have them even when other people perceive me entirely differently. So sharing doesn't feel scary because other people's opinions are not more difficult for me than my own? I'm glad you like the image though. I look forward to this project coming together. It's interesting to work at this slower pace too.
@kristiedegaris And you also produced a beautiful photograph. A good evening, I’d say.
@toni Thank you so much!
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