THREAD
1/
My daughter took this photograph of me today, quickly, in my bedroom. We swept the mess off the table, moved the dirty clothes off the chair and tried to make things look presentable, including me.
I complained the entire time about how I looked. The light wasn’t good, my hair was greasy, I’m 42 on Sunday, I want to lose weight, I’m in perimenopause. But this is something I do. Saying it out loud has become a habit.
@kristiedegaris this is a book cover photo, a really good and truthful one.
@kristiedegaris I love this photo. You look cool and relaxed.
@kristiedegaris we wish you we’re our neighbour
@kristiedegaris Stunning picture! :)
@kristiedegaris For whatever it's worth, it's a great picture of you.
@kristiedegaris Very fine photo, and the book looks interesting too ✨
@kristiedegaris It's a fantastic photo, and you look great in it.
And your daughter's very sharp.
@kristiedegaris It's a fantastic photo, and you look great in it.
And your daughter's very sharp.
@kristiedegaris@mastodon.scot ..you should be happy to have a daughter who catches such a nice photo! The lighting is good and mellow and does a good job to mark your features without making you look like old leather boots, which my own lighting often does with me. And you do not expose a quirky face or smile. I need many exposures to find a snapshot where I look like myself and not like a cringe mummy. May I say you do look like an amiable person?
@kate That's very kind of you, thank you!
@kristiedegaris
This looks like any other perfectly staged photograph of a perfectly representable writer. Your kid may have a talent there?
@musevg She absolutely does and I've known for years but sadly she has no interest in photography. I'm a photographer and have encouraged her, but nope.
@kristiedegaris But the light is good. The photo is good. The book is one you wrote?
@NicelyManifest I agree, the brain can skew things so much, and yes, I wrote the book. I needed a photo for a wee interview I am doing about being a writer, and my daughter kindly offered to take one for me.
@kristiedegaris You look lovely. :)
@kristiedegaris
Wonderful photo, wonderful daughter. I guess she is that way partly because of you.
(Took me (51) some time to learn, got a grown up daughter myself who's one of my best advisors)
@kristiedegaris looks pretty good to me and my housemates
@kristiedegaris well your daughter is a brilliant photographer, picked a very good subject/model (did you sign a release form 😉 ) and happy cake day when it comes.
@kristiedegaris terrific photo 💜 what talents you both have. Loved your book and love this picture - get her to do one for your next book!
@kristiedegaris Former photographer, this is a top notch photo. The Rembrandt lighting, the framing, the expression and pose, and that jacket texture! 
@kristiedegaris It's a beautiful photograph!
You look fab. Your daughter has a good eye, too.
2/
She stopped me and told me how awful it is to hear. Not just to hear her mother speaking about herself like that, but because this is how habits are built and passed on.
@kristiedegaris And none of that can be seen in the photo. We are our own worst critics.
3/
We talked about it. I explained why I think and feel this way. The racism, the misogyny. I think I say it out loud because it feels safer to diminish myself than to risk being seen without doing so. It is a learned way of managing shame. I agreed with her that it is unhealthy, for me and for my daughters.
4/4
So here is a photograph taken by a daughter of her mother. That is all. I am trying to learn from that.
END
@kristiedegaris Your daughter is a wise woman, and though I don't know you it seems a good photo to me.
I hate most photos of myself, but I think we naturally zoom in on our worst features.
Recently, I asked someone who'd written for a blog I look after if she could send me some photos of herself, and she did. I immediately thought "Yes, that one, she looks so happy!" But before I posted it, she sent a note saying "Don't use that one, my double chins look awful." I hadn't noticed her chin.
@kristiedegaris While mid-50s me can utterly relate to your feelings about being photographed; your daughter has a real eye for composition and lighting. She’s captured a great photo.
@kristiedegaris Thanks for sharing such important thoughts! We need to think and talk more kind about ourselves, and your daughter made a good point. You raised her good!
And a great image @kristiedegaris 👍
@kristiedegaris Upside: your daughter, in her awareness of what you were doing, seems to be free of some of the burdens you carry.
Nice pic. 😎 Cheeky snaps. 😂
@kristiedegaris Your daughter is talented, it's a good photograph. And your forearms tell their own story, that this is a person who does in fact work with stone.
@acsawdey Haha. They do indeed look hulking in this photo but honestly, it's the light. Not so irl I'm afraid.
@kristiedegaris I've said this before and I may say it again: your daughter is great at taking photographs
Your daughter is very talented. The sharpness/blurring in the photo is just right. The shadows and highlights are perfect for natural lighting without any tricks. The frame and posture are impressive.
I see a really beautiful, self-confident middle-aged woman who hasn't been photoshopped – and there's really no need to.
And I'm already looking forward to your book – it's next in line on my reading list.
@kristiedegaris It's a good photo. Despite all the above, you look relaxed and comfortable.
My daughter (now 18, at uni) once told me to not worry about my weight/hair/height/whatever it was I was moaning about, because I was still her dad regardless. That made me quiet and thoughtful for quite a while.
@kristiedegaris
It is an excellent photograph, your daughter is talented.
