Today in ancient anecdotes about being a level-headed politician:

After Duke Wen of Jin took over, some disgruntled ministers decided to burn down the palace and do a little dukeicide. The Eunuch Pi (who had previously tried to assassinate the new Duke not once but twice) requested an urgent audience with his lordship to report this.

The Duke refused him entry: “At the Battle of Pu City, your lord commanded you to arrive within a day, and you appeared instantly. Later, when I was hunting with the Lord of Di by the river, you were ordered to kill me within three days and you made it in just two. For someone who was ‘just following orders,’ doesn’t that sound awfully eager? I still have the sleeve you cut off LAST time, jackass. Off is the direction in which you may fuck!”

The eunuch replied: “You MUST have figured out by now the relationship between a minister and lord. If not, your reign will be short indeed. We cannot serve two masters; this has always been how it works. If your lord hates someone, your job is to do something about it — this Pu tribe, that Di guy, whatever. Now that you’re in charge, is there never gonna be a “this” tribe or “that” guy again? The Duke of Qi promoted the guy who shot him to his right-hand man. If there’s a change up top, how is it a sin to have been loyal to the previous lord? That includes pretty much everybody — why single me out?”

The Duke of Jin relented and heard him out.

from the Zuozhuan, translation mine #classicalchinese #translation #localization #history