My therapist made me do this 1of2 … but honestly, I wanted to
🌱 After dating dismissive + fearful avoidants, I needed a checklist to spot healthier patterns.
🚩 Red Flags
⚠️ Shuts down or avoids intimacy
⚠️ Hot‑and‑cold, inconsistent behavior
⚠️ Withdraws during conflict
⚠️ Blames, avoids responsibility
⚠️ Fears closeness, pushes away
⚠️ Ignores or disrespects boundaries
✅ Green Flags
❤️ Open with feelings, empathetic
❤️ Consistent words + actions
❤️ Talks through issues calmly
❤️ Owns mistakes, seeks growth
❤️ Comfortable with closeness + independence
❤️ Respects boundaries, values teamwork
👉 Quick screen: notice patterns, watch consistency, choose someone whose emotional style supports my well‑being.
Notes: Green flags only — red flags retired, green flags required
My therapist made me do this 2of2 … but honestly, I wanted to
🌱 New Partner Checklist
✅ Look for:
❤️ Emotional availability: open with feelings, empathetic, talks through conflict
❤️ Communication: consistent words + actions, listens, validates
❤️ Security: reliable, comfortable with closeness, present in hard times
❤️ Self‑awareness: learns from past, owns mistakes, open to growth
❤️ Compatibility: shares values, respects boundaries, sees partnership as teamwork
❤️ Attachment style: balanced independence + intimacy, comfort with vulnerability
🚩 Avoid: shutting down (dismissive) or swinging between closeness + distance (fearful).
✨ That’s my therapist‑approved checklist. What are *your* red & green flags? ⬇️