Roses are red
Violets are blue
Cyanosis follows severe haemorrhaging
And no amount of sugar will save you
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Replies:
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@cstross you're a wonderful writer, but your poetry could use some work 😁
@cstross Cyanosis requires 5g/100ml of Haemoglobin - a statement I simply accepted, but given by people who knew.
@cstross
Quasars shift red
Hot stars burn blue
Space is warped
And so are you.
Ps keep writing.
Listen, I fail to see what's romantic about thrusting a bundle of severed hermaphrodite genitalia at your love interest. They may be collected from sessile photoautotrophs as a traditional human invitation to copulation but it's somewhere on the same continuum as a gift of disemboweled rodents from your pet cat.
@cstross
> I fail to see what's romantic about thrusting
> it's somewhere on the same continuum as a gift of disemboweled rodents from your pet cat.
> like the severed limbs of traitors that used to be impaled on the gatehouse of London Bridge
Ok now I'm confused are you for or against?
:3
@cstross Quite a few of those severed genitalia can be a bit tricky with a cat in the house too.
I mean I was under strict instructions to never ever bring lilies anyway…
@cstross No kink shaming. Some people like rotting plant genitalia.
@cstross we are animals with money and math. Not otherwise.
@cstross There's a real double standard here, because people can be really picky about WHICH severed genitalia are acceptable.
Get it right, and it's "sweet" and “romantic”. But make one tiny mistake, and suddenly the person you love most is calling you a “monster" and a "serial killer”.
I hate Valentine’s Day.
@cstross well, yes, it's exactly the same, because it's about the context, not the gift. i know this is stupid, but it's romantic because it's a gift you only give in a romantic circumstance (well, red flowers).
if we had a long tradition of giving disemboweled rodents, then that would be romantic (as opposed to, for a cat: look, i'm a family member! i'm providing food too!)
@cstross It's less useful. The cat is making you a gift of food, the most precious resource a cat can imagine. Plant genitals are markedly less precious.
I had a housemate who 3 years in a row had (different) boyfriends turn up on the doorstep on said day in what they thought was a big romantic gesture. One had just ridden his motorbike 5hrs from Devon. She dumped them on the doorstep not letting them in, in what became known amongst our friends as the Valentine's day massacres. It's still unknown whether hermaphrodite genitalia presented was the cause, but it's starting to make sense all these yrs later. More enquires seem appropriate
@cstross I have never considered it romantic. To me, it has always seemed in the same category as a peacock's tail. Actively harms day-to-day life, and only exists to prove the giver can afford to squander resources on frivolities and still escape being eaten by a tiger.
@cstross -- You say "gift of disemboweled rodents" like it's a bad thing . . .
@cstross Sounds like how topologists view things.
@cstross Maybe in general but I just started dating this sentience swarm of bees and they appreciate the ready source of food they can bring back to the hive for emergencies.
@HighlandLawyer @cstross Better than leaving it where you’ll step on it, like when stepping out of the shower.
@JamesPadraicR @HighlandLawyer
I had this one particularly stupid cat who kept trying to teach me to hunt by bringing me a live earthworm every morning.
You do not want to wake up by treading barefoot on a live earthworm on your way to the bathroom.
@cstross You could just say „Sorry, I forgot to get you flowers.“ like the rest of us…
@valkenberg Naah, I just don't like seeing them stuffed into a display and left to rot away, like the severed limbs of traitors that used to be impaled on the gatehouse of London Bridge
@cstross @valkenberg
I loathe having to say thank you and pretend to be pleased when given cut flowers.
(Didn't even attempt the pretence that time it was a bunch of rare protected wild orchids.)
@cstross @valkenberg I steal flowers for R in the spring. He's never given flowers, and plans never to 😂
Still, severed plant genitals are better than severed heads, no?
@cstross You just have to make it weird…
(Currently very much enjoying The Regicide Report, btw. Well done!)
@cstross "Here. Have some dead plant genitals. I hope you like them." used to be my phrase for such occasions. Worked well as a screen for people who could tolerate my sense of humor.
The question is: Are they actually dead at that point? What constitutes death for a plant? It's not lack of brain activity.
Warning: Go too far down this road and you realize that the #potatoes that will happily begin growing shoots if you leave them in the sack for too long are alive and screaming when you drop them into boiling water.
https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780190687724.003.0010
After all, part of the point of #cooking is to kill otherwise still-alive organisms before eating.
@cstross Charlie hates cats!
@cstross ahhhh, romance in the air
Also the sickly smell of death and decay
