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So many of these people I interact with on NextDoor simply haven’t thought it through. It’s amazing.

When you figure out how to detect and handle actual abusers, you find all these people who just mimic abusers because they haven’t been exposed to any other way.

Asking questions really is a super power in these troubling times. Don’t argue, don’t debate. Ask questions. It opens up everything. If they’re a genuine abuser or fascist, they will show their colors to everyone. If they’re just a follower, it gets them to think it through, sometimes for the first time. Even more, the attention you show can get them to trust you, let down their guard, and then anything you say can be actually heard.

(I might post screenshots later. But I have to take this slow to take care of myself.)

#NextDoor #AbuseCulture #CriticalThinking

Mx. Luna Corbden 🐸

@corbden@defcon.social replied · 2 years ago

I wish I’d had a better hang of this approach while my dad was still alive. I had just started trying it in earnest just before he got sick. It did lead to greater connection and understanding between us, just in time, but only briefly.

There’s a sense that asking a question, giving the other person the floor, is handing them power, but that’s an illusion. It’s incredibly powerful to get them talking along the thought-lines you’ve nudged them towards. It empowers them, too, especially if they’re being controlled by a cult or abuser. It is a mutually empowering act.

#NextDoor #AbuseCulture #CriticalThinking #SocraticMethod

Mx. Luna Corbden 🐸

@corbden@defcon.social replied · 2 years ago

Asking questions also gives you valuable information about what the person cares about and how exactly they see the issue. That gives you the power to make convincing points tailored to that person, rather than just listing points that would convince *you.* Whatever it was that convinced you will probably not convince someone else. Let them tell you what line of reasoning they’re most interested in.

#NextDoor #AbuseCulture #CriticalThinking #SocraticMethod

Mx. Luna Corbden 🐸

@corbden@defcon.social replied · 2 years ago

I took screens but need to reserve energy needed to anonymize for billed work so won't post them today. I'll sum up.

A woman posted complaining about NextDoor's moderation taking things down in ways she didn't agree.

A guy suggested this was a Nanny State thing.

I asked him to tell me what he meant by Nanny State in this context. (The Question.)

He explained, which then allowed me to gently discuss with him the real meaning of Nanny State, and that neither governments or private platforms should protect people from themselves, but maybe should protect people from each other, hence the moderation.

He replied that I had some good points but that people were too sensitive these days.

And then I explained that unhealed trauma makes people sensitive and we should respond with empathy rather than defensiveness or attack.

He agreed.

We ended up discovering he is graduating from the same college I did & good vibes were had.

#NextDoor #AbuseCulture #CriticalThinking #SocraticMethod

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