Manager: "And just a reminder to download Megahappyfunproductivityapp if you haven't already done so. It's really important in helping us to stay on top of our deadlines and work together more effectively as a team."
Me: :Downloads the stupid app:
Notification: "Here's your one-time login code."
Notification: "You have a message!"
Notification: "You have a task due later today."
Notification: "Here are some random files from the intranet that might be relevant to your meeting."
Notification: "Rate us on the app store!"
Notification at 8am on Sunday morning because Sharon from accounts wants to let everyone know she's a workaholic with no life: "You have a message!"
Notification: "Here's an AI summary of your upcoming tasks!"
Notification: "Love using Megahappyfunproductivityapp at work? Check out Megahappyfunproductivityapp Personal Edition!"
Notification: "Join our upcoming user conference in Melbourne to hear tips, tricks, case studies, thought leadership, and best practices"
Notification: "Don't miss out! Upgrade to Megahappyfunproductivityapp Premium Edition today and SAVE 15%!* T&Cs apply."
Me: :Deselects everything except critical notifications and message notifications:
Notification: "We've updated our terms of service" (We won't mention it was because our lawyers weren't 100% certain "share your data with third party vendors" would prevent us getting sued for selling your data to ChatGPT. So we're making it explicit, and burying it on page 327 of our terms of service.)
Notification: "Someone is trying to message you on our app!"
Notification: "Here's your one-time login code."
Notification: "Here's your one-time login code."
Notification: "Here's your one-time login code."
Notification: "Rate our customer service."
Notification: "Check out our new AI features!"
Notification: "DON'T FORGET! You still haven't rated our customer service!"
Notification: "We miss you 馃ス"
Notification: "Here's your AI task report"
Notification: "Here's some people you might know!"
Me: :Disables notification:
Colleague: "Did you get my urgent message on Megahappyfunproductivityapp?"
Me: "Nope, I turned off notifications."
Colleague: "Okay, can you turn on notifications so you don't miss another important message like that?"
#tech #enshittification #iOS #Android #capitalism #latecapitalism #business
