"Why didn't you say something sooner?!"
Because of responses like "Why didn't you say something sooner..."
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Discussion
bonus points for then turning around and blaming me for talking about it "too much"
yes abusers and enablers really do this. no it doesn't make sense. yes sometimes well meaning people say thoughtless things like these. but abusers employ these strategically, as weapons. and then the more contradictory they are, the harder it is for victims to make sense of it and to escape the mental maze. the nonsense is an effective and insidious strategy in such cases.
If you're someone who is trying to be there for an abuse survivor and you said stuff like this? Don't worry. You can apologise and repair the relationship if there was damage.
In fact, proving that apologising is possible and not a power play and not a big deal or an injury to your pride, and that relationships can be developed, strengthened and even repaired? That is one of THE most powerful things you can do for a survivor!
The worst wounds that abuse inflicts is by hurting relationships and by teaching unhealthy dynamics and attitudes, like entitlement, as the supposed norm. It is easy to disprove that just by being a friend, a flawed messy HUMAN BEING who doesn't need either of us to be perfect.
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