Discussion
PSA: if you find yourself telling someone who's asked you to reconsider your reply that "this is social media, i can reply to you however i want" ... maybe consider that while this is true in a technical sense, taking that as your mandate rather than cues from the person with whom you're interacting makes you a jerk
and a reason people don't like (and leave) #Mastodon, too
(if you're tempted to reply to me making a joke about this or being a jerk, please know i'd rather you didn't)
@inquiline Too many people talk about their right to do something as if it's a justification.
@inquiline For real, that is garbage behavior. I do think it's important to note that the actual person who set off this discourse today did not double down or offer justifications, but instead posted a sincere apology. I think this is good and right.
thank you; i had not seen the positive development yet (and i was actually posting about a few incidents over a few days, including one today). but definitely good if people can hear each other and reach better mutual understanding
update: it looks like one person apologized but many, many more acted in unrepentantly shitty ways
@inquiline
Yeah, the crowd of "you don't take effective technical measures to prevent it, so it's obviously and necessarily welcome" are one of the more tiresome parts of the Fedi.
to anyone who says that people who don't like being mansplained to, etc. "don't know how social media work", i invite you to read this essay on how public speech and comment "work" to silence women
"My aim here – and I acknowledge the irony of my being given the space to address the subject – is to take a long view, a very long view, on the culturally awkward relationship between the voice of women and the public sphere of speech-making, debate and comment"
https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v36/n06/mary-beard/the-public-voice-of-women
@inquiline Thanks for sharing!
@inquiline See also today's nytimes interview with Carol Gilligan who wrote "In a Different Voice."
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/09/23/style/carol-gilligan-novel-listening.html
and Routledge is publishing the International Handbook of "The Listening Guide Method" this month.
https://www.routledge.com/The-Routledge-International-Handbook-on-The-Listening-Guide-Method-A-Feminist-Relational-Approach/Gilligan-Mauthner-Doucet/p/book/9781032725093
@inquiline You made me look. Wow, that was not his first offense of mansplaining 🙄
believe it or not, my post up top here was *also* about something *else* that happened to emily today. it's really fucked up how people treat her
@inquiline @stephanie Hoo-boy, the replies to her post here were depressing to read.
OTOH, now I've enhanced my block list, and I'm following Prof. Emily, both of which actions improve my feed.
@inquiline yeah, the libertarian mindset is strong here...
'Oh, you are posting publicly, free real estate for me. If you don't want this why are you posting publicly then?'
Only because it's public doesn't entitle you to do with it (and me) whatever you want. In the end it's all about consent, yet again and again and again.
what's really galling is them yelping and hollering when they get pushback. so much crying about other people "not realizing how to use social media" and "being uncivil"
@inquiline Yes, I feel like she's catching SO much of it.
combination of visibility (her expertise is of interest here) and people [men] thinking they own her the topic (which is everything here except for a very small subset, which is underrepresented anyway)
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@inquiline Social media conversations should be no different to any other conversation, especially as no visual cues as to whether someone is upset or not by what is said. Politeness costs nothing.