The original Guardian article yesterday Opinion Ignore the smears: I was never a close friend of Peter Mandelson. And I fully understand the lessons we must learn By Wes Streeting I knew him but not well, and worry now that he thrived in our political culture. It was not just failed vetting: there was a failure of moral seriousness Streeting wrote off his re-election chances in WhatsApp exchanges with Mandelson

Opinion (a spoof) Ignore the smears: I was never the one who ate a full tub of Lurpack off the kitchen counter. By My dog Listen, I'm a good girl. I don't know how butter stealers thrive in our political culture, but it's clear there was a failure of moral seriousness. Footage of Lola eating the butter, which cost her owners £300, was captured on a dog cam

Opinion (a spoof) Ignore the smears: I was never going to steal that pic-a-nic basket and eat the delicious food Ranger Smith had made for lunch. By Yogi Bear Quite frankly it is insulting to suggest that Boo-Boo and I would do such a thing. WhatsApp messages reveal that Yogi Bear messaged Boo-Boo to say "are you ready to steal the absolute fuck out of that pic-a-nic basket, Boo-Boo?"