okay I looked around a bit and if you want
- decentralized chat
- with "multi-room" spaces like discord
- and plural-friendly features like changing your nickname and avatar per-room
then the best option seems to be Cinny client for Matrix: https://matrix.org/ecosystem/clients/cinny/
you can change your display with /myroomnick and /myroomavatar .
there's really no perfect alternatives sadly, Discord just does too many things and nobody else does ALL of them
but Matrix seems to have the best ratio of good stuff to bad stuff right now
