I basically tick all of the boxes here!
Aristocrat, 79, offers $65,000 for wife who can manage two castles, can handle a shotgun and is a 'good breeder'
https://www.themirror.com/news/weird-news/aristocrat-searching-wife-good-breeder-1525428
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@TheBreadmonkey the “good breeder” in the heading is so gross that I just assumed he was referring to animals until hearing otherwise.
@TheBreadmonkey "Slade has a daughter, Violet, with Sahara Sunday Spain" no way that's a real person
@TheBreadmonkey Unfortunately am over 5'6" and with neither driver's no shotgun license, but that can be areanged? Otherwise all boxes ticked, I don't need the Guardian, there's much more-far-left newspapers out there :3
I'd consider myself a good breeder, although I doubt I'll be able to produce a hair. But considering he'd probably consider me male, can't he just adopt me to be his son? Basically two birds with one stone (or rifle): I'd fulfill both the "duties" as his wife and the expectations of a male heir.
He then can also fully indulge in his aristocratic incestuous daddy/lb kink with a wife that's also officially considered his own son.
* [x] confirmed on fedi to be good at providing holes
@TheBreadmonkey getting a young wife and then arming her sounds like a risky strategy
@TheBreadmonkey Don’t think I could marry someone with the same name.
@TheBreadmonkey Dear lord, it will his deformed sperm causing multiple miscarriages for the unfortunate applicant.
Not worth $65K.
@TheBreadmonkey Yeah, but how is your ballroom dancing, Ben? That seems important to Sir Benjie.
LOL, "helicopter license is a bonus."
The more I read the funnier it gets. He wants an accountant, helicopter pilot, estate-managing, wealthy best friend sex doll, but only if they're white. Also they must have their own coat of arms. 👍
@TheBreadmonkey Sounds like the set up for one of those cosy crime mysteries where the person who accepts the job has baby/ies with the household staff and the old dude is found floating face down on the pool because everyone hates him.
Sir Benjamin - a Knives Out Mystery
@TheBreadmonkey for only 65 grand??!!! fuckin' cheapskate. insulting.
@TheBreadmonkey He’s a real piece of work. His future wife must also to be young enough to provide him with a an heir and a spare and willing to pass his wealth along to his family when he dies if no direct heir is produced. The salary for operational management the duties he outlined is ridiculously low even if he wasn’t expecting a sex-toy with a proven track record as a good breeder on top of everything else. And he thinks this interview makes him sound attractive? 🤯
@TheBreadmonkey for $65k?
Tell 'im he's dreamin'
@TheBreadmonkey the article mentions "amorial-bearing" which one might mistakenly take to mean armorial-bearing, heraldically endowed, but that is inaccurate. the typo is for "amoral-bearing," which is the requirement covering a personality compatible with his own.
@TheBreadmonkey the guy’s got form and that gene pool needs to dry up.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/oap-millionaires-utterly-shameful-act-36245561.amp
@TheBreadmonkey
Thank you for the hearty laugh, Ben. I needed that.
@TheBreadmonkey Well I was going to suggest my missisis sister
But she doesn't have a coat of arms
@TheBreadmonkey even his dog looks embarrassed
@Tattooed_Mummy @TheBreadmonkey
Those automatic guns in the later photos are sure to make a woman feel more secure and not at all under pressure to produce "2 or 3 sons"
OMG...tears are running down my face....🤣 🤣 😂 🤣 😂
This HAS to be satire, right?
🤣 😂 🤣
I guarantee he will die without a male heir
The further I read the funnier it gets
@SnowyCA @TheBreadmonkey The Mirror is like The Onion but devoid of any nutritional content.
@TheBreadmonkey Please tell me that he looks like this. 🙏
@TheBreadmonkey I always thought you'd be more of an 'honest trier'.
