I basically tick all of the boxes here!
Aristocrat, 79, offers $65,000 for wife who can manage two castles, can handle a shotgun and is a 'good breeder'
https://www.themirror.com/news/weird-news/aristocrat-searching-wife-good-breeder-1525428
Discussion
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@TheBreadmonkey @wilpercy AND he’s just a baronet.
@TheBreadmonkey @wilpercy uh, I cost more than that. I mean I’ve got a lineage to, Lord Gittly
@TheBreadmonkey Such a charmer! Can you believe he is single?
@TheBreadmonkey Get a pre-nup, and train the dogs to catch and eat him.
Nothing of value lost there.
@TheBreadmonkey why on earth is he paying in $ for a job in Somerset? That’s only £50k for a helicopter pilot, land manager, money launderee and gamekeeper all rolled into one. What a cheapskate.
@TheBreadmonkey Bruh don’t sell yourself short! You can totally get $1,250,000
@TheBreadmonkey Proficiency with a shotgun seems like the most sensible requirement in the list. I wonder if his ex-wife slipped that one in there somehow.
@TheBreadmonkey 65k is a very low offer. You can make more than that with 9-5 just managing 2 castles I would expect.
@TheBreadmonkey Sadly I am a Scorpio which for some reason rules me out. Such a disappointment, he sounds like Prince Charming himself!
@TheBreadmonkey Just dudes being dudes.
@Nickiquote @TheBreadmonkey He doesn't need a wife so much as a tailor, that suit's as old as his castles.
Just going hunting for game with *checks notes* an AK47 and a Tommy Gun
That dog has seen some shit
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@TheBreadmonkey @woe2you @Nickiquote TBF it makes sense to get tooled up if there is what seems to be a panther on the loose?
@internetsdairy @TheBreadmonkey @woe2you
You can’t even shoot panthers in Somerset any more, because of Woke.
https://www.bridgwatermercury.co.uk/news/10574572._Beast_of_North_Newton__caught_on_camera/
@TheBreadmonkey @woe2you @Nickiquote That is Patrick Stuart carrys a pug into battle levels of mad.
@TheBreadmonkey $65k daily I take it?
@TheBreadmonkey welp, good to get today's search for Most Batshit Person done early I guess.
I do reeeeally want to meet the person who answers the ad though, because I think she might be a hoot.
@TheBreadmonkey the “good breeder” in the heading is so gross that I just assumed he was referring to animals until hearing otherwise.
@TheBreadmonkey the “good breeder” in the heading is so gross that I just assumed he was referring to animals until hearing otherwise.
@TheBreadmonkey "Slade has a daughter, Violet, with Sahara Sunday Spain" no way that's a real person
@TheBreadmonkey Unfortunately am over 5'6" and with neither driver's no shotgun license, but that can be areanged? Otherwise all boxes ticked, I don't need the Guardian, there's much more-far-left newspapers out there :3
I'd consider myself a good breeder, although I doubt I'll be able to produce a hair. But considering he'd probably consider me male, can't he just adopt me to be his son? Basically two birds with one stone (or rifle): I'd fulfill both the "duties" as his wife and the expectations of a male heir.
He then can also fully indulge in his aristocratic incestuous daddy/lb kink with a wife that's also officially considered his own son.
* [x] confirmed on fedi to be good at providing holes
@TheBreadmonkey getting a young wife and then arming her sounds like a risky strategy
@TheBreadmonkey Don’t think I could marry someone with the same name.
@TheBreadmonkey Dear lord, it will his deformed sperm causing multiple miscarriages for the unfortunate applicant.
Not worth $65K.
@TheBreadmonkey Yeah, but how is your ballroom dancing, Ben? That seems important to Sir Benjie.
LOL, "helicopter license is a bonus."
The more I read the funnier it gets. He wants an accountant, helicopter pilot, estate-managing, wealthy best friend sex doll, but only if they're white. Also they must have their own coat of arms. 👍
@TheBreadmonkey Sounds like the set up for one of those cosy crime mysteries where the person who accepts the job has baby/ies with the household staff and the old dude is found floating face down on the pool because everyone hates him.
Sir Benjamin - a Knives Out Mystery
@TheBreadmonkey for only 65 grand??!!! fuckin' cheapskate. insulting.
@TheBreadmonkey He’s a real piece of work. His future wife must also to be young enough to provide him with a an heir and a spare and willing to pass his wealth along to his family when he dies if no direct heir is produced. The salary for operational management the duties he outlined is ridiculously low even if he wasn’t expecting a sex-toy with a proven track record as a good breeder on top of everything else. And he thinks this interview makes him sound attractive? 🤯
@TheBreadmonkey for $65k?
Tell 'im he's dreamin'
@TheBreadmonkey the article mentions "amorial-bearing" which one might mistakenly take to mean armorial-bearing, heraldically endowed, but that is inaccurate. the typo is for "amoral-bearing," which is the requirement covering a personality compatible with his own.
@TheBreadmonkey the guy’s got form and that gene pool needs to dry up.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/oap-millionaires-utterly-shameful-act-36245561.amp
@TheBreadmonkey
Thank you for the hearty laugh, Ben. I needed that.
@TheBreadmonkey Well I was going to suggest my missisis sister
But she doesn't have a coat of arms
@TheBreadmonkey even his dog looks embarrassed
@Tattooed_Mummy @TheBreadmonkey
Those automatic guns in the later photos are sure to make a woman feel more secure and not at all under pressure to produce "2 or 3 sons"
OMG...tears are running down my face....🤣 🤣 😂 🤣 😂
This HAS to be satire, right?
🤣 😂 🤣
I guarantee he will die without a male heir
The further I read the funnier it gets
@SnowyCA @TheBreadmonkey The Mirror is like The Onion but devoid of any nutritional content.
@TheBreadmonkey Please tell me that he looks like this. 🙏
@TheBreadmonkey I always thought you'd be more of an 'honest trier'.
@TheBreadmonkey @neil @luciedigitalni Yeah, just straight up, this is the deal. If you take it, you know what you're getting into.
CC: all
I am a horrible person but I am also rich and also horny and also I want a slave. Are you prepared to do that for 50k a year and potential future windfall? Make me happy in every way I require for at least 7 years and I suppose you can have my castles when I die. Must have the skills of an international spy.
I don't know. I'm wondering if it isn't brilliant to just advertise to the entire world all of your red flags in one go. Get it all out there so there are zero expectations.