Yesterday I got to see a former poetry slammer - now comedian, whose career I have followed for over 10 years live for the first time.
When I got the ticket in January I was overjoyed. But the closer the date got, the more apprehensive I got. I was so scared to be hyped because I know how the saying goes. “Never meet your idols, you might get very disappointed very quickly.”
In the last couple of years he disclosed his own late-diagnosed neurodivergence as an AuDHDer and made it a bigger topic in his art.
He was one of the most influential poetry slammers who inspired me to start writing my own texts. I knew several texts by heart and honestly, I still know many passages of texts even now.
The hesitant tiny bouncy flapp flapps started when we arrived at the venue and I when the program was just so fucking amazing I spent all of the break bouncing up and down outside because I was overflowing with joy.
I laughed more and harder then the last couple of month combined.
After the show he gave autogramms and I swear my brain short circuited.
No words, just a shitton of happy chemicals. Bouncing up and down in front of him, hands flapping, a completely unmasked version of me.
I got a bit self-conscious when I heard people cooing behind me afterwards and I am still unsure how I feel about it.
During his performance he made some points that to me sounded like back-references to an old text of his and I just loudly blurted out a phrase from one of his former poetry slam texts from freaking 10 years ago. He immediately got the reference and was taken aback, even though he also looked happy and shocked. When the other people applauded after the show I made a finger heart and he saw it made one back.
I cannot put into words how happy all of this made me. I will forever treasure this.
The point I originally wanted to make was, how annoying it is that not only the big sad feelings but also the big happy feelings are exhausting.
But now I’m just happy all over again, having written this.
Brain is a mess in both good and bad ways.
#AuDHD #actuallyautistic #specialinterest #autisticJoy @autistics @actuallyadhd