So I have the server. An e-recycled ThinkCenter.
It has the WiFi radio.
It has the Debian/Ubuntu/Mint distros mirrored. All of each. (I routinely update it.)
It also has https://internet-in-a-box.org installed, and hosts all of StackOverflow, Wikipedia, ifixit, and a ton of other resources.
Connect to its WIFI, and its captive portal presents as an InstallFest In A Box server.
All I'm missing now is the balls to sit in the library with a little paper sign that reads "Free Technology Clinic". 🫠