Discussion
Do cis people understand how difficult it is to overturn decades of messaging about your gender, to dare to query one of the most fundamental categorisations of your human existence?
Do they realise how vulnerable we make ourselves at this moment of questioning? How uncertain it can make us, how scared?
2/
You would think that as a gay man he would have some inkling of that himself, some empathy.
But sure. "I have trans friends", he says. A variant of that standard disclaimer you make before you say something that you know on some level is wrong.
3/
Here's my truth: I did not, by any stretch of the imagination, "know" I was a woman when I began transition.
I dreamt all my life of what it might be to be a woman, but I feared it was mere fantasy. Fetish. Delusion.
4/
For sure, some people know with a ringing certainty that they are the gender they are. Not I.
I followed a breadcrumb trail of hopes and wants, testing with each step "is this better? Do I like this?"
5/
I would like to be called "they/them".
I would like to paint my nails.
I would like to wear leggings.
I would like a handbag.
I would like to work from home in a skirt.
I would like to have long hair.
I would like to get rid of my body hair.
I would like to dress femme around my friends.
I would like to try hormones.
I would like to try makeup.
I would like to shave off my beard.
I would like to own at least a couple of dresses.
I would like a passport with an "F" marker.
I would like to be called "she/her".
I would like to think about what surgeries I might want.
6/
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