Good people of Gotham, as you know, crime is an epidemic in our fair city. The police are helpless against the onslaught, and the so-called "hero," the Bat-Man, is part of the problem. It seems nobody is able to bring an end to the mayhem on our streets.

That all changes today. I, Oswald Cobblepot, am proud to announce my new initiative designed to stop all crime in Gotham. I call it…Crimeflare.

Starting now, my private army will occupy every street corner in Gotham. If your block has paid their monthly Crimeflare subscription fee, my troops will watch for would-be burglars, arsonists, and the more "exotic" criminals Gotham has to offer.

But that's not all. We have also gained control of the traffic light and camera systems throughout the city. We are keeping a constant eye on who's going where. For an additional fee, we will intercept and investigate all "suspicious" traffic heading to your block.

Blocks that pay for Premium service will have the highest level of safety imaginable.

If your block chooses not to pay, you will unfortunately be reliant on GCPD and that odious bat for "safety." Anyone who can pay will enjoy our services. We do not judge or discriminate.

You might say this is a protection racket. To that I say, thank you very much for choosing Crimeflare.