Something's Happening
Thank you for following and reading. I'm about to get this blog back on track as a place specifically for writing about my recovery from trauma, without the noise and off-topic stuff. This is what I want to tell you today:
- I've been floundering for some time with regard to this blog and my creative work.
- Despite having a major mental health breakthrough one year ago, the last year has been emotionally tumultuous inside of me.
- A week ago, one of my medications was out of stock for 5 days. This resulted in a pretty low depression for a few days. But there's a positive outcome. I used these feelings to look deeply into my past and my heart. I have had some liberating insights.
- I have been struggling for years to tell my story in full. I have hundreds of pages and tens of thousands words, most of which I am about to delete.
- Throughout my life, I have had a compulsion, an urge to purge. I have thrown away many of my creations and things, and regretted much of that. This is not one of those times.
- I now understand, that each occasion of purging is related to necessary periodic ego death and rebirth.
- As of a couple hours ago, I have a newfound clarity of what my story is, and how I can tell it. I am excited and eager to start that work. My vision is clear, and I know what I want to create, and how to create it. (I'll have help.)
- I won't be sharing that work here directly. I need to keep it close to my heart until it is complete.
- But I will share more of my insights and experiences about having survived my traumas.
- If you knew me in Falmouth and Woods Hole, I hope you will stick around. The are significant aspects of my story that can be traced back to my time at Omnibus and with the WHTC.
- A few of you have inspired me in ways you may not know. I hope that I can thank you and enlighten you about that when this work is complete.
- Sorry about all the noise and algorithmic sabotage. I'm still working on those, but I won't be promoting that work here. If you're one of the few who appreciate my messy experimental music and writing, I'm going to have a separate blog for that stuff.
- My music is easily found by looking for PUMIQUXT. I may also bring another alter ego back to life. I'm thinking about creating some softer, gentler, ambient music under the name, "patamystic".
"Kill Your Guru," is a literary reference to "Kill Your Darlings," but it also means to stop looking for answers outside yourself. I've wasted too much of my life doing that in vain. My biggest fear has always been my own light. I'm ready to come out from under my bushel. (I'm aware that I have stated this sentiment several times here. What can I say? It's a process and a journey, with many new beginnings.)
In addition to following me here, please use the comments, or just email, to let me know what you're up to. I'd like to see your light, too.
With Gratitude,
Eric
