A piece about earnestness, and what happens when you stop saving up goodwill and consider running up some irreverence debt.
'Online, though, and especially in my writing, I’ve noticed how earnest I’ve become. Soulfully earnest. Solely earnest. I mean everything I say, I believe everything I’m saying, but I don’t entirely recognise the person saying it.'
https://kristiedegaris.substack.com/p/on-accidentally-becoming-earnest
#Scotland #UK #Writing #WritingCommunity #Reading #Books #Women
@kristiedegaris felt. I have been aware of what I don’t know of late — like I feel if I’m discussing a topic I want to be adding something of hypothetical value. or at least something not likely to be foolish or incorrect or taking away from voices who know more.
But then I feel like I haven’t said anything on a topic, and feel like my silence is even worse complicitness or whatever.
I used to be such a shitposter, my header is a roasted meme I made. Yet earnestness has taken over, entirely
@moss Where has all this earnestness come from? I was saying to someone that I think there is such a yearning to be witnessed in my earnestness, but also in my irreverence and humour I must be careful that I am not stopping myself from being witnessed. *head explodes*
I too am a world class shit poster and now I don't even know which pile that part of myself is buried under.
@kristiedegaris I think for me, part of what borks my brain about current state of the world isn’t just the cruelty — there’s always been things which felt unspeakably unjust my whole life — it’s the lying about it. Or other forms of deceit, like techies designing products which force consent.l
To counter this: earnestness. I want to be visible caring about things like truth & language & autonomy. Because I do. But I also care about things like dark humor, which has helped me cope my whole life
@kristiedegaris but then ofc the earnestness is like “hmm do good humor then, meaningful humor and satire that is clever” or what the fuck ever and what if yeah that just is more pressure to be earnest under a diff guise. So.
How to have more “fuck it” I guess? How to earn up the debt you wrote of? Idk.
Itll come back , it always does, I just think maybe I need to be attuned to it & ready to engage, not dismiss. Or text to a friend to get it out of my system then forget.
@moss I really feel that I understand all this inner conflict you describe.
I have a really high and probably compulsive level of moral scrupulosity. I feel I have to make absolutely sure it is clear I am being kind and good all the time. Jokes get in the way of that, as does irreverence. I think it kicks in to an even higher gear as the chaos in the world does. Hence, earnestness.
@kristiedegaris yes THIS , the exhausting moral scrupulousness. I don’t think it’s a bad instinct in moderation, there’s so many unsafe ppl and experiences and I want to try hard to be safe for others… but I sometimes don’t make it safe for the authentic, messy, still figuring it out self who wants to be witnessed, to your point.
@kristiedegaris I love this. Especially your point that irreverence demands more work from the listener. I had not considered that before.
Also, you need this mug:
@GinevraCat I love this!!
@kristiedegaris @401matthall this is what the internet is meant to be!
As I lay, sleep deprived, in bed at 3:00 AM, having awoken from a bad dream an hour ago (after multiple nights of poor sleep due to additional bad dreams), I stumble upon Matt’s boost of an piece of writing that inexplicably just fucking slaps.
I don’t know what about this piece pierces my soul. I cannot tell if it is satire or actual earnestness writ large and I think that is what resonates in my core.
Thank you for this.
@cybeej @401matthall This made me so happy. Thank you. I also woke at 3am (a side effect of new medication is banging headaches) and downed pints of water and got something off my chest that's been on my chest for a while. And I think it's a bit of everything. All the parts that make up the whole.
@kristiedegaris @401matthall and now I just read this piece https://kristiedegaris.substack.com/p/from-the-road
While I’m not a photographer, I do enjoy composing photos and reading your piece made me reconsider photography and what a person’s photographs says about them.
I guess this means I’m obligated to buy your book and judge you not by your cover.
And what is it about this series of public posts at 3:00 in the morning that feels so personal, private, intimate.
Maybe it’s just the sleep depravity and this will fade to pass as if it never was. (Fuck that was pretentious)
I love this _so_ much. I genuinely think the world could be a better place if we all lived and communicated like this.
I moderate my speech _all_ the time. I _love_ swearing. I fucking love swearing. It's cathartic, it's authentic, it's not just a space-filler, it's genuine punctuation and it's _necessary_. It's context. It's the texture of the message.
It's function over form. I want _function_.
<3
@kristiedegaris omg yes I cunting fucking love this shit, like goddamn. Fucking cock yes.
@MxVerda This better be 100% totally fucking sincere ;)
