Turns out our false Christmas cactus (饾槡饾槫饾槱饾槶饾樁饾槷饾槪饾槮饾槼饾槰饾槮饾槼饾槩 饾樀饾槼饾樁饾槸饾槫饾槩饾樀饾槩) is a Thanksgiving cactus! The first flowers opened today:
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When I made this post I honestly had no idea that "Thanksgiving cactus" was actually a thing; it was meant to be a joke. 
I am now enlightened.
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