Next week I'll be 7 years sober.
Some thoughts on that journey.
(Full text in the comments)
#Sobriety #Alcohol #Addiction #Writing #Reading #Scotland #WritingCommunity
Discussion
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@kristiedegaris awesomesause \o/
Congratulations! My sobriety day is approaching as well. I'm glad I've found others here. Here's to another 7, another 11 and to the memory of those we've lost. ❤️🕯
@kristiedegaris i have been sober for 18 years
@kristiedegaris I also made the conscious choice to stop drinking in 2018. I offer my fist to bump in solidarity (but don’t feel obliged to reciprocate, I know you’ve been backing off of social media lately). Wishing you peace and good health.
@kristiedegaris Congrats!! 🎉 Your path to where you are in this moment hasn't been easy and your description is very familiar. Sending supportive energies and virtual hugs to you as you continue to put one foot in front of the other on the path ahead and in the next moments to come. ✨
@kristiedegaris Seven years for me, too, 1st of this month.I can still taste the cabernet, smell the merlot, ache for that drift into the false self, then one who could be social, relaxed. I felt beautiful then, normal, creative. For 35 years.
But the wine stopped working. I was contemplating harder things. And I just stopped. I'd seen drunks in my family. And in front of my children, I would not be one of them.
Thank you for writing this. May we continue to choose sobriety. Stay strong.
@JeanieBurrell Thank you for this. I'm so happy to hear you are also choosing sobriety and it's working for you. I got sober for my kids too.
@kristiedegaris I admire the strength and discipline you have shown over the past few years and hope that you will continue to be blessed with so many experiences and joys that you know it is all worthwhile.
@bsm Thank you so much x
@kristiedegaris Congrats. I can imaging how hard it must be.
I know that adhd feeling of wanting my brain to shut up.
I was always careful (lucky?) with alcohol. It helped that the most common alcohol in my home was disgusting to me, taste-wise.
I am definitely prone to addiction, but I have, so far, managed to get out of it soon enough and stay away from it.
@kristiedegaris Video games are my escape of choice, and I have lost half a year in uni to an mmorpg. I managed to say “I want to at least write two tests,” and my regular group supported that. Told me to stay away, until that was done. I didn’t go back after the tests, because I saw how bad it had been.
I sometimes felt bad for ghosting them, but it was the right decision. Going back to the forums to write a real goodbye would’ve been risky.
@kristiedegaris
I can't begin to tell you how much I admire that - not an easy thing to do at all.
Well done, you! People like you are really special to me (the good kind)
😍😍👍
@kristiedegaris thanks for sharing. I know a person in their first year of working to be sober and I try to be supportive.
You´re text is so relatable.
I read that my star sign has a tendency for drugs when I was younger. So I kind of was very aware that drugs could lead to addiction for me. Still believe that it is only some little steps one way or the other.
so could to read that you are taking your steps choosing sobriety.
@kristiedegaris Ten years this last March. I still miss the shutting down.
@justmichelle Congrats and solidarity. It's so funny, but my impression of sobriety, before being sober, was that you just stopped missing it. Now, I don't think that will ever happen.
@kristiedegaris I do other things now. I knit more. But I dance less.
@justmichelle I dance less. I sing less but I've been telling myself I should start singing again, just for me, just for fun. I read more. I walk more. I spend more wonderful time with my kids. We find our way.
@kristiedegaris @justmichelle Can I ask what kind of support you've found to stay sober? I have a young friend who is having a rough time and wants to find a way, but AA is not an option (too religious).
@artcollisions @justmichelle I also did it myself. For me it involved being quite strict with socialising. I haven't been to a bar in 7 years, or any event that has a strong alcohol element. That's helped massively, especially in the early days. It can be a bit lonely though.
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Much admiration, hat tipped.
Much.
Many people think an everyday hero means ordinary, when really, it means every day.
@kevinrns I like that! Thank you!
@kristiedegaris@mastodon.scot
Read this, think about „that sounds like it could be ADHD“, read profile sticky, yup ADHD.
Congrats on being sober for so long! I once tipped into that direction and pulled the breaks hard as soon as I noticed a pattern. Alcohol is sneaky.
Congrats on your journey 👏
My story is similar to yours.
It took time, but God gave me the serenity to be who I am now.
@maddad Congrats to you too. I'm grateful to make the decision every day to be sober.
💖 me too, if I didn't quit when I did, I'd surely be dead a long time ago.
1/ On sobriety
People often say that they don't see me as an alcoholic.
I was never stumbling through back alleys, gin and piss soaked, passing out in the park. Instead I drank £18 bottles of Rioja and listened to Joni Mitchell. For many that seems pretty civilised. Normalised.
I drank to stop the spinning wheels of my mind. I drank to forget who I had been, who I was, and the person I desperately wanted to become.
2/
Tipsy was never sufficient. I always had one eye on the bottle, dreading that final, half-glass pour. Over time, one bottle turned into two. I wanted to feel nothing but the room spinning and gravity pinning my body to the bed. I lived for those moments of insensibility, preferring the powerlessness I’d chosen over that which felt forced upon me. There was not a minute of my existence that I didn’t hate myself.
3/
Next week I will be 7 years sober.
And yet, there's not a week that goes by that I don't think about alcohol. I want my fingertips in cold condensation, the crisp smell of Pinot Grigio, the satisfaction of that first sip. A pint of Black Isle Brewery Yellowhammer, weighty in my hand, zingy grapefruit and bitter hops on my tongue.
But more honestly, I want to be drunk. Gone. I miss the oblivion.
4/
You see, booze is the fastest getaway car for a brain on the run. Meditation does fuck all (for me). Yoga gets me nowhere near where I want to go. Exercise requires effort. Buying things online is ruined by the very fact of delivery. I've tried binge eating, but the impact, on all but my digestive system, has been paltry.
I've been told often what a harmful drug alcohol is, for individuals and society, I've had my share @kristiedegaris but never got too far. And yet, weed is the illegal substance, no violence, far less anti-social behaviour, no hangover 🤔
Well done you 👍
@scozmos Drug laws are incredibly skewed. Totally agree. And thank you!
5/
I remember getting drunk at age 15. For the first time in my life, I felt free from myself. Less of a shedding, more of an abandonment. And I loved it. I think some part of me will always want that escape. So, I wake up every day and I choose sobriety.
6/
Just before our love got lost you said
"I am as constant as a northern star"
And I said, "Constantly in the darkness
Where's that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar"
- Joni Mitchell - Case Of You
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