Jupiter has 97 moons and an outrageous werewolf problem
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@catsalad 97 problems, but a lupine ain't one.
@catsalad 97 wolf moon t-shirt
@catsalad@infosec.exchange SEND ME TO JUPITER
@catsalad I mean, wouldn't you too?
@catsalad Exacerbated by the fact that the moons are the only places that werewolves can live in the Jupiter system.
@catsalad imagining that there is different like variants per moon, and they each only change when that moon is full.
And then you have a classic love story between two wolves of different moons
@catsalad very very cinfused werewolves I would have thought.
@catsalad someone should plug all the orbital numbers into a simulator and create a 97-moon calendar for Jupiter
@catsalad False. The large number of werewolves on Jupiter is necessary to keep the deer population in check.
@catsalad now i get the lyrics from the rapper jaypiter-z in 97 problems
@catsalad earth is just werewolf deprived, compared to normal planets.
Jovian werewolves are rather outrageous. And those hats they wear!
@catsalad
How are they a problem?
@catsalad Wondering how 'quasi-moons' fits into this equation and if Tumblr has already had this conversation
@catsalad …but a witch ain’t one.
@catsalad
Old and busted: John Carpenter’s Vampires of Mars
New hotness: Warren Zevon’s Werewolves of Jupiter
@catsalad Saturn has 274. 😱
@catsalad I bet @sundogplanets has some frightening news for you regarding Saturn's werewolf situation.
@catsalad That basically sums up my Yelp review of Jupiter
@catsalad @briankrebs Given that it’s a gas giant, the situation would be self-regulating, as werewolves, not finding solid ground to rest on, continue to fall towards its core, eventually being crushed to incredible densities by its gravity
@catsalad Because Jupiter is a gas giant, its indigenous wolf population maintain buoyancy and control their altitude by means of a gaseous sack evolved from their bellies, which can be inflated through excessive inhalation and deflated by doggy farts, simultaneously providing rapid propulsion, though they can also spin their tails like a propellor for more leisurely circumambulation, making for a truly outrageous werewolf problem indeed.
Source: NASA
@catsalad Werewolf and vampire astronauts are in a tricky situation, especially in FTL travels.
@catsalad The latest outbreak of cryptids in the state was a bunch of young werewolves who went to an astronomy club outing. They thought they were safe because the astronomers had their outing at new moon for the darker sky, but they didn't realize how bright the 4 Galilean satellites of Jupiter are in even a small telescope.
@catsalad Actually the werewolf community is pretty chill, it's the moons you gotta watch out for 
@catsalad Lycanstronaut is this anything
@mttaggart @catsalad
there are
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EC1C0lH1SqM
my favourite made by @grickle
@catsalad but the tech on Jupiter is amazing tho.
@catsalad
Oh yeah? Well Earth has 99 problems and 100 Gecs.
@catsalad Correct 💯 except for the moons 🌙
