If you consider yourself someone who strives for social justice, like some kind of warrior or something, this post is for you.

It's about What To Do When You Just Fucked Up.

So. You did a racism. Or a transphobia. Something too settler to imagine. Whatever.

You fucked, in other words, up.

1. Breathe. Seriously. Take a moment. You just left the toilet, skirt in your pants, and have accordingly shown your ass. You're embarrassed and ashamed, desperate not to be seen as a "bad one" of whatever you are. So take a moment and just breathe deep and slow.

2. Start with, "Sorry! That was a racist/anti-Semitic/Islamophobic/anti-queer thing to say!" Never ever say, "I am sorry you feel insulted, slighted, hurt." Don't shift the blame. Own it or shut up. Thx @ kiwi2002@mstdn.social.

3. Pause, and keep breathing. You're started well.

4. Listen to the response. Stay cool. You stepped on their toe. You're not the victim here, don't make it about you. There's someone who's been harmed by your ableism, misogyny or anti-Roma bias, in front of you. Focus on hearing what they want to say to you. Take it in. Don't react or defend yourself.

5. Believe them. You don't know what they're experiencing, even if you've been affected by bigotry yourself. Just listen and believe.

6. Understand why this has damaged trust they had in you. If you feel you're worthy of being trusted better, show it, by learning from the experience, and not repeating it. Recognise it when others do it, and take on the job for your neurodivergent or dwarf or fat friend (with consent!).

7. If and only if you think they might be open to talking about it with you, you could ask if they want to. Give this some time. Be a good friend in the meantime, *as they would define it*. You know your friend's habits and boundaries, right? Right?

8. If they aren't, don't bring it up again. They heard you. You are open. If they want to discuss it, they'll say so. If they don't, take the hint, learn, and move on.

🧵 1/2