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Roxane Gay is right: “Civility is a fantasy.”
Civility has always been optional for those who benefit from the systems, institutions, and policies upheld by the myth of white supremacy, but required from everyone else.
When whiteness is coded as inherently “good,” it becomes “civil” by default…even when the behavior of those in power is chaotic, destructive, and violent.
For everyone else, however, civility is weaponized as the price of admission.
Speak with the wrong tone, raise your voice, name the harm too directly, and suddenly your truth is dismissed.
Not because it lacks merit, but because it lacks the polish of “acceptable” delivery.
As Gay writes: “Calling for civility is about exerting power. It is a way of reminding the powerless that they exist at the will of those in power and should act accordingly. It is a demand for control.”
This is not about kindness.
This is about control.
The call for civility has always been a silencing tactic.
A way to delegitimize the righteous anger of those harmed by the myth of white supremacy, while ensuring that whiteness itself remains unchallenged and unaccountable.
Since the behavior of whiteness has always been deemed civil by default, then the very premise of civility as a standard is illegitimate.
The real work is not in tone, but in truth.
And truth will always sound disruptive to the ears of power.
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