Daughter comes upstairs for an exchange of counsel, and the two of us finish off the liquor and the beer I was saving for tomorrow and Tuesday, developing a kind of fumbling half-plan, in quest of caring for a 13yo child who really really needs a care we're both afraid we're too old and tired to manage.
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I love my daughter so much. She came upstairs to see if I would/could help.
As if I haven't been thinking about it all fucking day, tryna come up with a path forward.
Daughter has some actions she will take.
Me? I will take him at 6 o'clock tomorrow night and begin to show him Tai Chi Chuan.
I don't want to do this. I really don't. But what? Whaddaya gonna do?
He's just a fuckin' little boy, innit.
She reminded me of the dozens of strays we've helped over the years. Oh, I remember.
But this child's situation is *hard*. Severely ADHD, largely unmedicated. Mom's got serious anger-management issues. Dad's a flat-out abuser. Three younger siblings, two of which have organic mental issues of their own, and the third is a toddler.
It's hard enough to be a 13yo boy when you're "normal" in a "healthy" family. How very much harder for him?
@GeePawHill I'm not sure how much authority you have with the parents, but as someone with anger management issues that stem from ADHD, nudging them to their own diagnoses could help to improve the entire situation.
My theory, w/the Tai Chi. 1) He does actually adore me, cuz I'm a man who did not respond with rage or violence to a couple of earlier incidents. 2) Tai Chi is calming, strengthening, and centering. 3) it'd be good for me to do, too.
And there's an angle, I came up with, from an event this morning.
Wally the dog does not like the young'uns.
The reaction, I think, comes from some trauma he experienced at a toddler's hands. But he doesn't like even a 13yo when he moves too fast, or surprises Wally, or clings.
This morning, our boy did all of those things at once, and Wally gave fear/fight reactions. This also scared the boy himself.
The angle? Talking about Wally and his trauma. Talking about how Wally's responses -- everyone's responses -- to trauma are deep and serious.
Talking about how we win back Wally's trust, how we give Wally the safety and confidence to quell the trauma response.
(I really have been thinking about this all day.)
@GeePawHill Sir, I am really glad you are in this world. And glad I get to be here at the same time as you.
@courtcan Thank you, Courtney, very kind of you to say. <3
@GeePawHill you're a good one. I see where your daughter learned how to handle these feelings and situations.
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I'll help, if you want. I'm a good role model for damaged people.
Would you like to tell us some more about what is going on? We might be able to help a bit. And you will likely feel better after sharing it.
@johnb48 Awww. Thank you for asking, you old fart.
Yes, and also no.
Let me think it over.
But really, thank you. It is kind of you to ask.
You are quite welcome. I believe that we have to stand by our friends. If nothing else, to let them know that other people are out there that care.
@GeePawHill You seems to be a good person.
@hananc It's kind of you to say.