The underlying mind control mechanism acting in a victim's brain, before they realize this, is called Perpetual Inadequacy. You will always be striving to please an abuser (or a cult leader or an abusive class), but nothing you do can please them for long, if ever.
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Basically, Respectability Politics is a cycle of perpetual inadequacy.
I mean, I'd love a middle-ground, too, if it were possible.
It isn't. Not under these circumstances. Not with these people.
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