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@alice@lgbtqia.space  ·  activity timestamp 16 hours ago

I'm not a car person, so I never really paid attention to car makes or models before. Sure, I knew that there were Hondas and Hyundais, but unless someone was actively pointing them out, I couldn't tell you which was which.

Then I became the owner of a little red Ford Focus, and I started driving it around.

Next thing I knew, I was spotting them *everywhere*. I'd come out of the grocer and there'd be identical ones parked on both sides of me! Hell, I eventually got a window decal so I could more easily tell which was mine 😋

A couple years ago I discovered I was lactose intolerant, and—bear with me, these stories are connected—I started keeping lactaid with me wherever I went (just to be safe). I started paying attention to just how much dairy was in things, and wow, spoiler: it's in like *everything* 😅

Over the past couple years, I've gotten pretty used to being lactose intolerant. I keep lactase handy, and I watch out for things with "too much dairy". It's just become background noise—like noticing other Ford Focuses (Foci?). It's just part of my life now.

A couple months ago I got propositioned by a creep in my hotel's lobby.

A couple weeks ago I had slurs yelled at me as I walked down the street with my mom.

A couple days ago someone told me to kill myself in a DM.

Every day, someone says "really? I don't see stuff like that here".

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@alice@lgbtqia.space  ·  activity timestamp 16 hours ago

Just to be explicit, that post was about how all the institutionalized/everyday/inherent sexism, racism, homophobia, bigotry, etc. is invisible to most folx until it directly impacts them.

Just like I don't see 99% of the racism that #BlackMastodon does until someone points an example out to me, and just like I would've told you that I don't know anyone who drives a red Ford Focus until I started driving one myself.

It's fucking everywhere...

And to those it affects, it's just the background noise of existing while black/queer/femme/disabled/neurodivergent, and so on.

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Aria.DNE [grim]
Aria.DNE [grim]
@grim_elsewhere@lgbtqia.space  ·  activity timestamp 14 hours ago

@alice Last year we discovered my partner was allergic to (among many other things) a very specific ingredient found in a lot of soap products (shampoo, conditioner, dish soap, laundry detergent, moisturizer, etc.) Sometimes it's not even on the ingredients list! Even products specifically meant to be hypoallergenic and for sensitive skin.

Also queer, disabled, food sensitivities and limitations...

Yeah. This shit is real.

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DJGummikuh
DJGummikuh
@DJGummikuh@mastodon.social  ·  activity timestamp 16 hours ago

@alice the point about that for me is that I truely don't understand what motivates those people, and in this I have some form of symapthy for peoples ignorance. It simply doesn't fit these people's (mine included) perception of society - not even closely - so it feels like you are talking about some other species. This makes it all the more important to ensure that everybody affected by this human garbage has a chance to be heard. Especially by people with the power to do something about it

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@alice@lgbtqia.space  ·  activity timestamp 15 hours ago

@DJGummikuh the problem is that it isn't just "human garbage" truly shitty people only make up a tiny percentage of the total. It's the guy who was "just joking" about your skirt length, or the people on the bus who decide it's "not their problem", or the lady who makes a comment about how articulate her black neighbor is.

It's the casual "🤷🏼‍♀️ what're ya gonna do about it" bigotry and entitlement that permeates every pore of society.

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bjb :devuannew: :emacs:
bjb :devuannew: :emacs:
@bjb@fosstodon.org  ·  activity timestamp 16 hours ago

@alice

I don't see a lot of the bad stuff, not because I skip over it, but because I have blocked with abandon.

I'm not saying this to tell others to block like me (I did it to excess actually), but to explain to those who do not see the bad posts that there might be a reason they don't see them. Not everyone here has the same experience. Also, different instances might block whole other instances.

So, when someone says they are being harassed, believe them the first time they say it.

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Bruce Heerssen
Bruce Heerssen
@bruce@darkmoon.social  ·  activity timestamp 16 hours ago

@bjb @alice

There are a lot of people who don't see it in the physical world either. Women often don't talk about these things in public. I'm not victim blaming. There's lots of reasons for that, not least of which is a credible fear of retaliation. Probably other reasons that I'm not aware of, too.

Men, of course, rarely see gendered abuse and so can ignore or deny it if they choose. Even abusers, incredibly, do this.

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@alice@lgbtqia.space  ·  activity timestamp 16 hours ago

@bruce there's also the stats around how only about 1% of domestic violence offenders get charged, and how the deadliest time for a domestic violence victim is after reporting it.

@bjb

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