As someone who is likewise estranged from family, now for multiple decades, from those who were unprepared to talk about harms that were done, thank you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIHUSHQ66oc&lc=UgyEuiSPv99Tf-0XWFl4AaABAg&pp=0gcJCUsANpG00pGi
The challenge, of course, is that if everyone who violated consent was held to account for their unpreparedness to address those harms, society as we know it would be unable to function. (As we know it being the operative concern. As we know it is the problem.)
Sex has nothing to do with any of this. The desire to read rape narrowly, as being about sex, seeks to constrict the scope of inquiry, because if the actual issue, violation of consent, entitlement to violate consent, as an exercise of power, were held to account, too many people would be implicated. Too many people would have to be held accountable.
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Violation of consent isn't limited to rape. It's an organizing principle of patriarchy. It culminates in rape, yes, but that's against a backdrop that normalizes such entitlement to violations of consent, which makes non-consensual sex something anyone would imagine, let alone plan, as something they were similarly entitled to.
Rape culture is that normalized backdrop of entitlement to violate others without their consent, even without ever touching them. Most of which we take no notice of, most of which we hold no one, least of all ourselves, accountable for, because to do so would require a fundamental reconciliation of patriarchal society itself.
So, instead we quibble over definitions of what does and does not constitute the most extreme form of such violation. Because that makes it about the exceptions, and not the rule. The rule being that violation of consent is the norm we dare not confront.
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