Discussion
One day, I might've been 15 or so, my mother was very angry with me, and she approached me lookin' to hit.
And I raised my own arm, lookin' to hit back.
No hitting took place.
But she called my (divorced) father, and he came around and picked me up, and we went our usual route, to the liquor store for beer and Canadian Mist.
And he said, "Son, I know how hard it is with her."
"I *left* her cuz of how hard it was with her."
"But I have to tell you, I hit her, once or twice, myself."
"But it didn't work."
"And it won't work for you, and it will make you feel awful, and after all, she's a good person who has raised you up this far."
"Please don't hit your mother."
I never hit my mother. I hadn't intended to hit her in the first place. I was signaling that hitting me was a bad idea.
But, now, oh, my, 50+ years on, I have to wonder about their strange relationship, at that time, and after, and mostly before.
I'd give so much to talk to her now, to talk to him now.
@GeePawHill I had some similar thoughts a few days ago about how my parents relationship changed, seeing how her attitude changed towards me and in general must've been the start of a slow decline. It certainly is a weird feeling seeing the change in perspective and perception. Feeling what it was like to be there in your body and memory, feeling what it is like now as you rationalize it. Our minds are excellent at time traveling huh?
@GeePawHill I was bullied a lot as a kid. My mother taught me that if I was bullied again that I should break their arm and walk away.
Fast forward to being 13 or 14. My mother has had a rough time separating from my adopted father. One day she was mad at me about something I don't remember. She comes over and starts hitting me. I pinned her down, stared into her eyes, and as calmly as possible said, "If you EVER hit me again, I will break your arm and walk away just like you taught me."
She was not a well person. He was not a well person.
*I* have spent my life being not a well person.
But they were both *good* persons, if significantly unwell.
@GeePawHill thank you for sharing your story
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And he handed me a beer, and then the bottle, and we hit it, and we were sitting there.
This was a *decade* after their divorce. He and I'd only become close in the previous two years, after he discovered me around age 13.
And he brought me back to the house, a slug or two of whiskey in me, maybe a second beer, and we parked outside the house.