Discussion
So yeah, time to be done letting these people plan for me. They don't care how I feel.
In their idea of a "Merry Christmas" (or whatever event), it's ok if I have been guilted into participating in something miserable. They don't mind.
And juuuust maybe, if I start opting out of the miserable stuff, they will start planning things that are more inclusive of me.
But seriously, EVERY TIME I feel guilty for being so "pushy" & "dramatic" for *checks notes* telling people I don't want to be miserable.
They don't even compromise with me or change the plan in any way, & yet I STILL feel guilty for asking.
Jesus Christ. I have never been given consideration in these things. I've always been told to suck it up. This is some bullshit. Why doesn't what I want matter?
It's no fucking wonder I struggle to ask for what I want & need: I am so fucking used to being told that I don't get input.
They always talk like they have weighed out everyone's needs & decided that this was the best & most convenient decision for everyone. Which just makes me wonder if I'm not part of everyone.
And why did I struggle so hard as a child to feel I belonged in my family? In our family dynamic, I just didn't have a voice.
I was having full on autistic meltdowns on vacation because everything was too noisy & too stressful & unfamiliar, & I'd get "come on, Artemis! This is supposed to be fun! Why can't you just have fun with it?"
Of course I didn't feel like I belonged: my needs didn't matter.
Why is it that "the best plan for everyone" is almost never the best plan for me? You'd think sometimes I'd win!
But by the time I object to the plan other people made after soliciting no input from me: "it's already been decided."
By fucking whom? Not me! Not me, motherfuckers.
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