Discussion
# Email from AliExpress:
Your parcel has moved two centimetres to the right. We will update you as soon as it moves.
# Another email from AliExpress:
It has moved! Your parcel has moved another two centimetres to the right.
# Email from UK parcel delivery company:
We have your parcel. It is probably somewhere in the UK, between arrival and departure. At some point, we will chuck it in your general direction. Your driver's name will be Ethan.
@neil I've recently had a few orders delivered from AliExpress.
Every morning at 0900UTC I now get an email with subject line "Your N packages have delivery updates", where N increments with every order.
The update, each time, is that they've been delivered, I've marked them as such, and the order is complete.
I'm just using them as an alarm clock.
"we have left it in a *secure* place, on your doorstep in full view of everyone"
@neil I love how Evri says 'tell us your postcode for more detail' then provides no more detail.
@neil I recently had the experience of sitting on my front deck upon which I received an email that I had not answered the door three minutes prior, and that the business (which I am not and none such exist within half a mile) is closed. It was moments after the carrier drove past and around the corner. I had not moved from that spot for the last... two? three? hours.
It's one thing to lie. It's another to lie so hard it wraps around again and becomes a statement on the fundamental truths of the universe.
Earlier that week I received a picture of a front door that was not only nowhere close to looking like mine, it was, after a careful survey of the regional doors, nowhere close to the entire neighborhood.
@majick Ooof 😞 We are, I think, quite lucky with our local drivers, who are nearly all diligent and friendly (despite likely being massively overworked and underpaid).
@neil
US parcel company: Your parcel has been delivered! Here's proof: [attachment: photo of parcel on a front stoop that isn't your house or anyplace in your neighborhood.]
French parcel company:
Hey, we tried stuffing your parcel into your mailbox, but it was too big and you were not home. Please click on this link to reschedule your delivery.
(There is no link in the email)
@neil Do they tell you if it changes size?
@neil
Several delivery companies in France send you a link to a webpage instead of the final set of emails. On there you have the "05:20 Arrived in regional centre" and "08:20 Loaded on the van" etc, but what I love is the map with a little drawing of the van to update its position at each stop when it gets to your area. Then the driver phones as they arrive, so they don't unload only to discover there's nobody home.
It's such a shock when a company uses one of the crappier companies.
@neil many years ago, I ordered a CD from ebay.
Tracking emails went something like this.
30 minutes after ordering: Your item has been dispatched.
1 hour later: Your item has arrived at Chek Lap Kok Airport, Hong Kong.
1 hour later: Your item has cleared customs and has been loaded onto a flight to Manchester, UK.
1 hour later: Your items flight has departed.
23 hours later: Your flight has landed at Manchester Airport.
I didn't hear anything else until it dropped through my letterbox, less than 20 miles from the airport, 3 days later...
@neil Amazon:
Your package will arrive between 1:45 and 2:45 today.
No, make that between 2:30 and 3:30.
No, 3:30 and 4:30.
OK, 5:30 to 7:00.
Actually, we're running late, it'll be there some time in the next 3 days.
@neil The last #AliExpress tracking I had was very vague about location, but had percentage odds of the next stage happening by [date] which was a new one for me.
@neil email from Yodel/Evri:
We have your parcel. This is a threat.
Royal Mail is a lot more like the former. I typically get around five emails for each parcel that they deliver.
Sent to an email address that I did not give the sender explicit permission to share with a third party.
@david_chisnall @neil *Most* of the emails I get apparently from Evri are fakes and scams, but just occasionally there's a genuine one. I delete them all anyway, because I can't be arsed to work out which ones are real. The parcels get delivered nonetheless[#] whether or not I read the emails.
[#] Sort-of, on a good day, according to Evri's usual standards of service.
My particular favourite is the email you get from Evri where the title is "We have your X parcel" and it sounds like a ransom demand.
Also love the seven million emails you get in general.
"We're expecting your parcel!"
"We've received your parcel!"
"We've dispatched your parcel!"
"Your parcel is out for delivery!"
"Your parcel will be with you between 10am and 11am"
"Your parcel has been delivered!"
"Please review our service!"
@neil in my experience package delivery notifications are like that bit from monty python's holy grail with the two guards
* your package is in transit in a faraway land
* your package is in transit in a faraway land
* your package is in transit in a faraway land
* your package is in transit in a faraway land
* we rang your doorbell but no one opened
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