Screw it. I'm going to run for president strictly on a platform of restoring names of geographical locations, train stations, airports, cultural centers, & military bases.

On day 1 I'll deal with those. On day 2 I'm going on a worldwide apology tour & I'm removing all tariffs. Once I get home from all of my embarrassing groveling for forgiveness, I am retiring from public life in hopes that someone with a plan to fix whatever else has been destroyed will arrive to replace me.