I know alpha male types like to parade around how much they like eating meat and how it makes them manly and they'd probably be a warrior hunter in the wild if it weren't for the convenience of Tesco chicken nuggets. Well I'm no exception and this is a warning to all salads out there - you just better watch yourselves. Because I'm coming for you. And I will bloody well wash you and eat you with gusto and also aplomb if I knew what that meant. Tomatoes! You are not safe. Cucumbers! Kiss your kids (gherkins) goodbye. Avocado! You'd *better* be the perfect consistency or otherwise you'll be going in the fruit bowl next to the bananas for a day or two. They call me the Salad Man. Because I'm difficult to define and am better in the summer.