@alice I had the same change-of-decision 41 years ago, but only because some part of me quickly woke up to the situation and talked the rest of me back down (apparently my feelings can be reasoned with).
It still remains a struggle to feel like I belong here, though I've not come anywhere near that low-point since then (and am not in any danger now). Nothing and nobody can fill the gap Jenny left (says 41 years of experience), so what does that leave me hoping for? I guess it's not so much that there is clearly hope as it is that there clearly isn't if you go the other way.
...and on a good day, curiosity can sustain me just enough. On a bad day, I have to remember that there are good days.
I'm trying to figure out how to actively create new connections that feel meaningful, but apparently I am amazingly bad at it. 
