Most of the time I'm recommending something, it comes from a place of "thing X didn't work for me, and I switched to Y and it has worked better. I see you're complaining about X too…have you investigated Y?" Sometimes it's a readily-viable solution; sometimes it would be a big ask, so I tend to soften it a bit.

So many people interpret "here's what I do" as "you should do this too" though.

It was something I found when I home educated the kids. If I said I home educated most people took it as a criticism that their kids went to school, despite me saying that home ed wasn't for everyone in the same way that school wasn't for everyone. I never understood it.

However.

Just resorting to "I" I find pretty unsatisfactory. So I am on a quest to be able to talk in "weak we" forms, to signal there are actually a bunch of us, and there is community to be lived and found. Otherwise there is a risk it perpetuates neo-liberal thinking while the right wing occupies "community" and turns it into a violent mob because people want to belong ...

Good suggestion for effective communication.

One of the problems with "should", even for those with the best of intentions, is that the word is ambiguous: "you should do X" can be used to convey (among other shades of meaning) "I believe that doing X might well be in your best interests", but also "Not doing X would be a moral failing on your part". Even genuine kind-spirited advice intended with the first meaning can come across as criticism/manipulation with the second...

I have three words I try to avoid: “they”, “should”, and “is” (or other variants of “to be”).

It’s not a perfect fix, but I find it helps.

A moderated queer support group I used to go to had a rule to use "i statements and avoid you should" when discussing topics, to make it more inclusive and feel safer for participants.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"