Well the news is all just wall to wall dreadful this morning. So I'm back to having to make up my own news again, lest I go insane....

Great news, everyone! The dodo is back. But uh-oh, watch out because it is *pissed*. 5 hikers lost in a week to dodo attacks on a small island in the Pacific. Scientists say whilst it's great nature is healing, please do not visit the island as the birds now have a taste for flesh. Ironically due to their flightless nature they go for the legs, with some reports saying the head dodo bears a striking resemblance to fictional Die Hard villain Hans Gruber and swears he heard it say 'now you are a walkless human, do-do-do' in a German accent.