here's another waste of everyone's time i found earlier today from bell labs https://www.cs.columbia.edu/~smb/papers/neke.pdf
Encrypted Key Exchange: Password-Based Protocols Secure Against Dictionary Attacks
the entire thing is so fucked
We introduce a novel combination of asymmetric (public-key) and symmetric (secret-key) cryptography that allow two parties sharing a common password to exchange confidential and authenticated information over an insecure network.
the entire thing is intended specifically to link "asymmetric" cryptography with the "public-key" framing as if diffie-hellman key exchange never existed. a solved problem, unsolved. real cryptographers do in fact waste their time pretending this isn't obviously a fucking ruse
lest you think "oh, this was just some forgettable mid-90s bell labs paper, like rob pike's entire career--surely nobody takes this seriously"