I think one of the worst things about social media, it's a) everyone now wants to be an influencer and has a cooking channel and 2) people who use the word bloom to describe heating spices in oil. I cannot stand it. It makes me want to scream. It's like runners who talk in inclines instead of hills. You are not a spices expert! Do not say bloom! It is disgusting! Argh! I hate it so much. Like nails on a chalkboard. The holibobs of heating spices.
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@TheBreadmonkey season my Tofu, spiceman
@TheBreadmonkey Bloom like toxic algae in the ocean. What a nice metaphor. Have some more turmeric!
@TheBreadmonkey Knock it off, you foodie perverts.
@TheBreadmonkey Lot of food in your posts this morning, Ben. Just saying. How do we know this isn’t a double bluff and you are about to launch yourself as a YouTube channel?
Benny Breadmonkey-Thompson
Bensley Harriott
Bengella Lawson
Jamie Benliver
Benchel Roux Jr
Bengang Puck
@TheBreadmonkey I can usually tell if I’m running enough when my shoes begin to bloom.
@TheBreadmonkey in case I become a cooking influencer, what is the proper word to use for toasting spices?
Sloppin' 'em up. Giving them the old sloperoo. I trained in France.
@TheBreadmonkey @bobdobberson
Warm 'em in oil until they get stinky.
@TheBreadmonkey I will make note of that and let people know I trained in France as well. ;)
@TheBreadmonkey So by blooming spices they're raising your _temper_?
@TheBreadmonkey Are you sure you want folks to know what specific thing drives you batty? 😁
There's an old country saying: "If you don't want people to get your goat, don't let 'em know where it's tied."
I do agree about pretentious cooking terms, tho.
I'll be honest Kim - I'll be fine about it tomorrow. It would be incredibly useful if I had any fixed points I could anchor myself to but it's a roller coaster. Today it's spice blooming and people who are happy, who knows what it'll be tomorrow. Onions and the Illuminati? Waterparks and tungsten filaments? 12th century China and balloons? Literally no one knows. It's like I've got a monkey sat inside my head just pulling away at one of those old style slot machines with infinite wheels. Dingdingding you're a winner! Today you will be mad about...... origami!
@TheBreadmonkey This is so amazing!
@TheBreadmonkey For a moment I read that as"has a cocking channel" and i thought that was risqué even for Ben.I looked again and realised it was cooking channel, my excuse is poor eyesight and insufficient coffee.
Although to be fair, the guy who's video I'm watching has pulled it back with his apron, which I am enjoying quite a bit
@TheBreadmonkey I find it vaguely threatening.
@TheBreadmonkey I think that Beef Wellington lady had the same apron.
I don't understand this reference but like to imagine it's a small red woman covered in mushrooms who wears a coat made of pastry
@TheBreadmonkey You know, the Australian beef wellington poison mushroom murderess.
2 more immediate bugbears of mine. Primarily that he is using a tiny squeezy bottle of water to deglaze his pan instead of just any old receptacle laying about. A cup or a glass. No. He has gone to a shop and spent money on a tiny plastic bottle specifically to use in his food influencer video, because that's what he thinks the tools are. I will need..... One of those small tabletop cooker hob things instead of just using a real piece of kitchen equipment, an ironic apron, a sleeve tattoo, a beard, and a tiny plastic bottle to déglacer my pan after blooming my spices. Don't forget to smash that like button and click subscribe. Peace y'all.
Turns out they have discovered a brand new recipe hitherto not conceived of and needed to share it with the world. Sausage pasta. Sausages. In pasta. Pasta with sausages in it. Praise be for the new messiahs. Coming to lead us to the promised land. The hallowed halls of infinite glory where one may place the lowly sausage with the humble pasta. Oh forsooth I fall upon my knees, penitent in your endless splendour. No one could have ever dreamed it was possible. Archimedes, Da Vinci, Clive Sinclair and now you. Whatever will you think of next?
@TheBreadmonkey Curried sausages in spiral pasta bb, culinary Genious from the 70 and 80s
Antonio Carlucci used to make that.
@TheBreadmonkey bah, we have had this for years
@TheBreadmonkey i want a version of that apron except it *just* says "we're all gonna die" in the same really small text
@TheBreadmonkey i want a version of that apron except it just says "we're all gonna die" in the same really small text
