Post
I want to talk about something that came up during one of the Facilitated Conversations with Kim Crayton — Mediocre sessions.
It’s a conversation I haven’t seen others have publicly because it’s risky.
It requires care, compassion, and precision.
And even then, someone may be harmed.
But this is what the work of liberation looks like. Thinking deeply, moving differently, and engaging authentically, even when it’s uncomfortable or unclear.
As I was narrowing my focus to work exclusively with white men who desire Life Beyond the Supremacy Myth, we began discussing what such a community could look like.
At one point, someone asked:
“Would this be a space for white trans men?”
And my honest answer in that moment was:
“I don’t know.”
Because like so much of this work, binaries, yes/no, right/wrong, don’t hold up to the complexity required for responsible decisions.
So, I thought deeply about it.
I considered the stories I’ve heard over the years about harm that’s occurred in Black and brown lesbian spaces when white trans women were welcomed.
There’s a socialization component that often goes unacknowledged.
The way being raised as white boys or young men shapes how someone moves through the world.
That early conditioning doesn’t disappear just because gender identity changes.
It takes active, intentional work to unlearn it.
And that matters when entering spaces built as refuge from the violence and domination associated with masculine socialization: competition, control, coercion, and the myth of white male supremacy.
Far too often, white trans women have entered those spaces and replicated the very harm those spaces were designed to protect against.
This connects to something I’ve talked about for years:
When white members of marginalized communities lead with whiteness, their other identities, transness, disability, illness, etc., get decentered.
At that moment, they cease to be seen as community members seeking safety and start being seen as a threat.
That’s not because of who they are, but because of how whiteness behaves.
After much reflection, I brought an answer back to the group. One that holds space for both compassion and accountability.
My theory is this:
How safe a white trans man feels in the PWO Community, while maintaining the safety of other members, depends largely on his early socialization as a white girl or young woman. That foundation will deeply influence what healing looks like and how unlearning unfolds.
Because in practicing Life Beyond the Supremacy Myth, white men are being asked to confront and dismantle conditioning they’ve never had to name before.
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