Just want to take a moment to give a special mention to the dozen or so people today who, despite not following me or having ever interacted with me before felt compelled to send me incomprehensible angry nonsense (and in a couple of cases faintly racist sentiments) in response to a video of a car. We've all had a chat and wanted you to know we thought you seemed very cool and clever and are grateful for the work you put in today. Fedi is a broad church and without a couple of absolute nobbers we'd probably end up taking this all for granted. So I salute you insane heroes and wish you well on your continuing journey. You absolute dicks. I hope a house falls on you. X

'Welcome to Fedi!' we cry, brandishing our spears

Weird how the boffins down at CERN have done some scientific testing on my face and concurred unanimously that since my run this morning, they quantify my handsomeness vector has moved at least a tenth percentile.

Not saying it's cold in my house but Aled Jones keeps singing through the letterbox

Morgan Freeman didn't get his big break until he was in his 50s. Betty White was 51 when she first starred on TV. There is still time. I am available if any media executives are following my online career with interest. I'm ready.

Some people have an unfalteringly strong moral compass, and I really admire those people. However just know that I am prepared to cross quite a lot of moral boundaries for one million pounds. If there's a chance that noone will ever find out, pretty much everything's on the table. Nothings off limits. Explode the Moon? I'm your man. Steal Big Ben? Don't mind if I do. Think impure thoughts? I'm way ahead of you, bebe! Give the wrong directions to someone? Piece of cake! Covet thy neighbours ass or whatever? Fine! All I'm saying is give me a chance. If you have a problem, If no one else can help and if you can find me. Maybe you can hire, The B-Team.

@JackTheCat

Yes