Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot

WASHINGTON—Reversing course after fierce backlash over the decision’s potentially divisive nature, the U.S. Coast Guard announced Friday that it would abandon plans to reclassify the swastika from a hate symbol to the military branch’s official mascot. “As of now, there are no ongoing plans to continue rolling out ‘Heily the Sailin’ S…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/coast-guard-backtracks-on-plan-to-reclassify-swastikas-as-mascot/

Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot

WASHINGTON—Reversing course after fierce backlash over the decision’s potentially divisive nature, the U.S. Coast Guard announced Friday that it would abandon plans to reclassify the swastika from a hate symbol to the military branch’s official mascot. “As of now, there are no ongoing plans to continue rolling out ‘Heily the Sailin’ S…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/coast-guard-backtracks-on-plan-to-reclassify-swastikas-as-mascot/

OpenAI Reveals ChatGPT Primarily Used To Ask If Hot Dog Too Old To Eat

SAN FRANCISCO—Shedding light on how consumers were most likely to interact with the popular software application, a new report published Thursday by OpenAI revealed that ChatGPT was primarily used to ask if hot dogs were too old to eat. “Our large-scale analysis found that 98% of our users are leveraging the computing powe…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/openai-reveals-chatgpt-primarily-used-to-ask-if-hot-dog-too-old-to-eat/

Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office

The post Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/gifted-khashoggi-head-mounted-in-oval-office/

Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office

The post Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/gifted-khashoggi-head-mounted-in-oval-office/

OpenAI Reveals ChatGPT Primarily Used To Ask If Hot Dog Too Old To Eat

SAN FRANCISCO—Shedding light on how consumers were most likely to interact with the popular software application, a new report published Thursday by OpenAI revealed that ChatGPT was primarily used to ask if hot dogs were too old to eat. “Our large-scale analysis found that 98% of our users are leveraging the computing powe…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/openai-reveals-chatgpt-primarily-used-to-ask-if-hot-dog-too-old-to-eat/

RFK Jr.: ‘The President Having Sex With Children Is Fine From A Purely Nutritional Standpoint’

The post RFK Jr.: ‘The President Having Sex With Children Is Fine From A Purely Nutritional Standpoint’ appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-the-president-having-sex-with-children-is-fine-from-a-purely-nutritional-standpoint/

Exclusive Soup Kitchen Offers Free Meals By Invite Only

OLYMPIA, WA—Sitting back to savor the 10-course broth-based haute cuisine, guests at the Northwest Community Center told reporters Tuesday they were thrilled to dine at the organization’s exclusive soup kitchen, which offers free meals by invite only. “Everyone on the streets wants to get in here, and I can’t believe I finally get to try […]
The post E…
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https://theonion.com/exclusive-soup-kitchen-offers-free-meals-by-invite-only/

RFK Jr.: ‘The President Having Sex With Children Is Fine From A Purely Nutritional Standpoint’

The post RFK Jr.: ‘The President Having Sex With Children Is Fine From A Purely Nutritional Standpoint’ appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-the-president-having-sex-with-children-is-fine-from-a-purely-nutritional-standpoint/

Exclusive Soup Kitchen Offers Free Meals By Invite Only

OLYMPIA, WA—Sitting back to savor the 10-course broth-based haute cuisine, guests at the Northwest Community Center told reporters Tuesday they were thrilled to dine at the organization’s exclusive soup kitchen, which offers free meals by invite only. “Everyone on the streets wants to get in here, and I can’t believe I finally get to try […]
The post E…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/exclusive-soup-kitchen-offers-free-meals-by-invite-only/

Megyn Kelly Anxiously Waits For Everyone Else To Start Condoning Pedophilia Too

NEW YORK—Faced with backlash against comments she made last week downplaying the sex trafficking crimes of Jeffrey Epstein, an anxious Megyn Kelly appeared on her podcast Monday waiting for everyone else to start condoning pedophilia too. “I can’t be the only person who thinks having sex with a teenager i…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/megyn-kelly-anxiously-waits-for-everyone-else-to-start-condoning-pedophilia-too/

Megyn Kelly Anxiously Waits For Everyone Else To Start Condoning Pedophilia Too

NEW YORK—Faced with backlash against comments she made last week downplaying the sex trafficking crimes of Jeffrey Epstein, an anxious Megyn Kelly appeared on her podcast Monday waiting for everyone else to start condoning pedophilia too. “I can’t be the only person who thinks having sex with a teenager i…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/megyn-kelly-anxiously-waits-for-everyone-else-to-start-condoning-pedophilia-too/

Trump Imposes 100% Tax On Movies Where Slaves Escape

WASHINGTON—In an effort to bring an end to what he described as an anti-American trend in filmmaking, President Donald Trump signed an executive order Monday imposing a 100% tax on the profits of movies that depict people escaping from slavery. “For too long, liberal Hollywood has pushed its false narratives of unhappy slaves desiring freedom,” […]
The post T…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trump-imposes-100-tax-on-movies-where-slaves-escape/

Trump Imposes 100% Tax On Movies Where Slaves Escape

WASHINGTON—In an effort to bring an end to what he described as an anti-American trend in filmmaking, President Donald Trump signed an executive order Monday imposing a 100% tax on the profits of movies that depict people escaping from slavery. “For too long, liberal Hollywood has pushed its false narratives of unhappy slaves desiring freedom,” […]
The post T…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trump-imposes-100-tax-on-movies-where-slaves-escape/

Crenellated Aesthetic

For those who know what “crenellated” means, like we do, this house has it (or them). Crenels here, crenels there. Just a ton of that good stuff. Reference #49308
The post Crenellated Aesthetic appeared first on The Onion.
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https://theonion.com/crenellated-aesthetic/

Crenellated Aesthetic

For those who know what “crenellated” means, like we do, this house has it (or them). Crenels here, crenels there. Just a ton of that good stuff. Reference #49308
The post Crenellated Aesthetic appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/crenellated-aesthetic/

Not Sure How They Deal With Criminals In Your Town, But ’Round Here We Use A Restorative Justice Process

Well, well, well. What have we got here? Another city slicker who thinks he can waltz into my town and start causin’ all sorts of trouble. I’d be careful if I was you, fella. Because however they do things where you’re from, ’round here we have our own way o…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/not-sure-how-they-deal-with-criminals-in-your-town-but-round-here-we-use-a-restorative-justice-process/

Not Sure How They Deal With Criminals In Your Town, But ’Round Here We Use A Restorative Justice Process

Well, well, well. What have we got here? Another city slicker who thinks he can waltz into my town and start causin’ all sorts of trouble. I’d be careful if I was you, fella. Because however they do things where you’re from, ’round here we have our own way o…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/not-sure-how-they-deal-with-criminals-in-your-town-but-round-here-we-use-a-restorative-justice-process/

Understaffed FAA Recommends Pilots Just Go With Their Gut

WASHINGTON—As fewer air traffic controllers show up for work amid a government shutdown that has halted their pay, the Federal Aviation Administration issued a recommendation Friday advising commercial pilots to “just go with their gut.” “You’ve done this plenty of times by now, so, you know, go ahead and feel free to trust your instincts […]
The p…
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https://theonion.com/understaffed-faa-recommends-pilots-just-go-with-their-gut/