Trove Of Emails About Pedophilia Reignites Nation’s Love Of Reading

WASHINGTON—Saying the millions of documents had restored a pleasure they lost long ago, Americans nationwide said Thursday that the recently released trove of emails connected with disgraced financier and pedophile Jeffrey Epstein had reignited their love of reading. “I didn’t realize how much I missed the simple joy of losing my…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trove-of-emails-about-pedophilia-reignites-nations-love-of-reading/

Who did it better?
https://theonion.com/ai-chatbot-that-only-responds-huh-valued-at-200-billion vs. https://www.maiasa.ai ("Maiasa's active vocabulary is limited to the single token 'a', and it will reply to all prompts with only 'a'.")
(Once again real life catches up with #TheOnion's attempt to parody it.)
#AI #humor #funny

Trove Of Emails About Pedophilia Reignites Nation’s Love Of Reading

WASHINGTON—Saying the millions of documents had restored a pleasure they lost long ago, Americans nationwide said Thursday that the recently released trove of emails connected with disgraced financier and pedophile Jeffrey Epstein had reignited their love of reading. “I didn’t realize how much I missed the simple joy of losing my…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trove-of-emails-about-pedophilia-reignites-nations-love-of-reading/

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That’s Norway to Treat a Lady

The post That’s Norway to Treat a Lady appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/thats-norway-to-treat-a-lady/

Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders

WASHINGTON—Urging locals to “fully cooperate” with federal agents, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem called on Minneapolis residents Monday to stop obstructing murders. “The brave men and women of ICE and the U.S. Border Patrol are doing their best to carry out these executions in a safe and professiona…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/

Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen

WASHINGTON—Claiming that no one would realistically devote their life to serving others without being funded by nefarious actors, President Donald Trump alleged Monday that Democrats had secretly paid Alex Pretti, the 37-year-old Veterans Affairs nurse killed by U.S. Border Patrol agents in Minneapolis, to be a mod…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/

Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen

WASHINGTON—Claiming that no one would realistically devote their life to serving others without being funded by nefarious actors, President Donald Trump alleged Monday that Democrats had secretly paid Alex Pretti, the 37-year-old Veterans Affairs nurse killed by U.S. Border Patrol agents in Minneapolis, to be a mod…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/

Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders

WASHINGTON—Urging locals to “fully cooperate” with federal agents, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem called on Minneapolis residents Monday to stop obstructing murders. “The brave men and women of ICE and the U.S. Border Patrol are doing their best to carry out these executions in a safe and professiona…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/

That’s Norway to Treat a Lady

The post That’s Norway to Treat a Lady appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/thats-norway-to-treat-a-lady/

Dwayne Johnson Intrigued After Learning About Special Trophy For Good Actors

LOS ANGELES—Leaning forward in his seat as a number of questions raced through his mind, Dwayne Johnson was reportedly intrigued Monday after learning there was a special trophy for good actors. “Huh, interesting—and you said they give them out every year?” asked Johnson, who frowned as he racked his brain in a…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/dwayne-johnson-intrigued-after-learning-about-special-trophy-for-good-actors/

Dwayne Johnson Intrigued After Learning About Special Trophy For Good Actors

LOS ANGELES—Leaning forward in his seat as a number of questions raced through his mind, Dwayne Johnson was reportedly intrigued Monday after learning there was a special trophy for good actors. “Huh, interesting—and you said they give them out every year?” asked Johnson, who frowned as he racked his brain in a…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/dwayne-johnson-intrigued-after-learning-about-special-trophy-for-good-actors/

GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform

WASHINGTON—Adopting a new set of national policy positions ahead of this year’s midterms, top GOP leaders released an updated party platform Tuesday to introduce their official “ICE kills everyone” agenda for 2026. “In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure […]
The post …
#theonion
https://theonion.com/gop-adds-ice-kills-everyone-pillar-to-2026-platform/

Elon Musk Files For Full Custody Of All U.S. Children

STARBASE, TX—Claiming that his relationship with the nation’s adults had been ‘irreparably’ damaged by their recent comments in support of the trans community, Elon Musk announced Thursday that he had filed for full custody of all U.S. children. “I will be filing for full custody today, given that every American parent supports the transition of infants,” M…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/elon-musk-files-for-full-custody-of-all-u-s-children/

Elon Musk Files For Full Custody Of All U.S. Children

STARBASE, TX—Claiming that his relationship with the nation’s adults had been ‘irreparably’ damaged by their recent comments in support of the trans community, Elon Musk announced Thursday that he had filed for full custody of all U.S. children. “I will be filing for full custody today, given that every American parent supports the transition of infants,” M…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/elon-musk-files-for-full-custody-of-all-u-s-children/

GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform

WASHINGTON—Adopting a new set of national policy positions ahead of this year’s midterms, top GOP leaders released an updated party platform Tuesday to introduce their official “ICE kills everyone” agenda for 2026. “In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure […]
The post …
#theonion
https://theonion.com/gop-adds-ice-kills-everyone-pillar-to-2026-platform/

Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers

The post Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/study-finds-increased-demand-among-gen-z-for-non-alcoholic-fathers/

Panicked xAI Technicians Frantically Throw Levers To Find The One Controlling Grok’s Pedophilia

PALO ALTO, CA—Shouting over the sound of the alarm as it blared through the headquarters of Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence startup, panicked xAI technicians were reportedly throwing levers Monday in a frantic effort to find the one controlling Grok’s pedophilia. “Come o…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/panicked-xai-technicians-frantically-throw-levers-to-find-the-one-controlling-groks-pedophilia/