GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform

WASHINGTON—Adopting a new set of national policy positions ahead of this year’s midterms, top GOP leaders released an updated party platform Tuesday to introduce their official “ICE kills everyone” agenda for 2026. “In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure […]
The post …
#theonion
https://theonion.com/gop-adds-ice-kills-everyone-pillar-to-2026-platform/

Elon Musk Files For Full Custody Of All U.S. Children

STARBASE, TX—Claiming that his relationship with the nation’s adults had been ‘irreparably’ damaged by their recent comments in support of the trans community, Elon Musk announced Thursday that he had filed for full custody of all U.S. children. “I will be filing for full custody today, given that every American parent supports the transition of infants,” M…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/elon-musk-files-for-full-custody-of-all-u-s-children/

Elon Musk Files For Full Custody Of All U.S. Children

STARBASE, TX—Claiming that his relationship with the nation’s adults had been ‘irreparably’ damaged by their recent comments in support of the trans community, Elon Musk announced Thursday that he had filed for full custody of all U.S. children. “I will be filing for full custody today, given that every American parent supports the transition of infants,” M…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/elon-musk-files-for-full-custody-of-all-u-s-children/

GOP Adds ‘ICE Kills Everyone’ Pillar To 2026 Platform

WASHINGTON—Adopting a new set of national policy positions ahead of this year’s midterms, top GOP leaders released an updated party platform Tuesday to introduce their official “ICE kills everyone” agenda for 2026. “In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure […]
The post …
#theonion
https://theonion.com/gop-adds-ice-kills-everyone-pillar-to-2026-platform/

Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers

The post Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/study-finds-increased-demand-among-gen-z-for-non-alcoholic-fathers/

Panicked xAI Technicians Frantically Throw Levers To Find The One Controlling Grok’s Pedophilia

PALO ALTO, CA—Shouting over the sound of the alarm as it blared through the headquarters of Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence startup, panicked xAI technicians were reportedly throwing levers Monday in a frantic effort to find the one controlling Grok’s pedophilia. “Come o…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/panicked-xai-technicians-frantically-throw-levers-to-find-the-one-controlling-groks-pedophilia/

Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers

The post Study Finds Increased Demand Among Gen Z For Non-Alcoholic Fathers appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/study-finds-increased-demand-among-gen-z-for-non-alcoholic-fathers/

Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession

The post Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/nicolas-maduro-charged-with-felony-oil-possession/

Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’

The post Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’ appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/congress-if-you-wanted-an-expensive-foreign-war-all-you-had-to-do-was-ask/

Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’

The post Congress: ‘If You Wanted An Expensive Foreign War, All You Had To Do Was Ask’ appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/congress-if-you-wanted-an-expensive-foreign-war-all-you-had-to-do-was-ask/

Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession

The post Nicolás Maduro Charged With Felony Oil Possession appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/nicolas-maduro-charged-with-felony-oil-possession/

Panicked xAI Technicians Frantically Throw Levers To Find The One Controlling Grok’s Pedophilia

PALO ALTO, CA—Shouting over the sound of the alarm as it blared through the headquarters of Elon Musk’s artificial intelligence startup, panicked xAI technicians were reportedly throwing levers Monday in a frantic effort to find the one controlling Grok’s pedophilia. “Come o…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/panicked-xai-technicians-frantically-throw-levers-to-find-the-one-controlling-groks-pedophilia/

It's here! Just in time for our friends to enjoy it at our #NewYearsEve party tonight.
#TheOnion

It's here! Just in time for our friends to enjoy it at our #NewYearsEve party tonight.
#TheOnion

Tech Billionaires Threaten To Flee California Over Proposed Vest Tax

SAN FRANCISCO—Citing a right to keep their torsos sheathed in windproof synthetic fabrics, tech billionaires were reportedly threatening to flee California on Monday over a proposed statewide vest tax. “If the legislature passes this measure, you can bet that countless entrepreneurs and venture capitalists are going to pack th…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/tech-billionaires-threaten-to-flee-california-over-proposed-vest-tax/

The Onion going hard in their year in review.
"Gang Initiate Forced To Peacefully Deescalate Conflict To Prove He Not A Cop"
https://theonion.com/gang-initiate-forced-to-peacefully-deescalate-conflict-to-prove-he-not-a-cop/
#TheOnion #humor #funny #ACAB