The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Former Prince Andrew

The British royal family is under pressure to remove Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor from its line of succession. The Onion sat down with the former prince to discuss his arrest and connection to Jeffrey Epstein. The Onion : Any reaction to the accusations against you? Mountbatten-Windsor: On advice of counsel, I can only state that my name is […]
The po…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-former-prince-andrew/

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Former Prince Andrew

The British royal family is under pressure to remove Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor from its line of succession. The Onion sat down with the former prince to discuss his arrest and connection to Jeffrey Epstein. The Onion : Any reaction to the accusations against you? Mountbatten-Windsor: On advice of counsel, I can only state that my name is […]
The po…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-former-prince-andrew/

RFK Jr. Claims Anti-Protein Extremists Left Head Of Lettuce On His Doorstep

WASHINGTON—Saying his advocacy for consuming animal products had painted a target on his back, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claimed Monday that anti-protein extremists had left a head of lettuce on his doorstep. “Yesterday morning when my wife went out to get the paper, she discovered …
#theonion
https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-claims-anti-protein-extremists-left-head-of-lettuce-on-his-doorstep/

RFK Jr. Claims Anti-Protein Extremists Left Head Of Lettuce On His Doorstep

WASHINGTON—Saying his advocacy for consuming animal products had painted a target on his back, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. claimed Monday that anti-protein extremists had left a head of lettuce on his doorstep. “Yesterday morning when my wife went out to get the paper, she discovered …
#theonion
https://theonion.com/rfk-jr-claims-anti-protein-extremists-left-head-of-lettuce-on-his-doorstep/

Looksmaxxing: Myth Vs. Fact

“Looksmaxxing,” a new trend that can involve jaw exercises, steroid use, and extreme cosmetic procedures, has taken off among many boys and young men. The Onion dispels common myths surrounding looksmaxxing. MYTH: Regularly exercising your jaw muscles can make them bigger. FACT: The most effective way to change your face shape is to contract mumps. […]
The post Looksmaxxing: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on T…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/looksmaxxing-myth-vs-fact/

Looksmaxxing: Myth Vs. Fact

“Looksmaxxing,” a new trend that can involve jaw exercises, steroid use, and extreme cosmetic procedures, has taken off among many boys and young men. The Onion dispels common myths surrounding looksmaxxing. MYTH: Regularly exercising your jaw muscles can make them bigger. FACT: The most effective way to change your face shape is to contract mumps. […]
The post Looksmaxxing: Myth Vs. Fact appeared first on T…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/looksmaxxing-myth-vs-fact/

Keys, Spare Change Fly Out Of Luge Athlete’s Pocket On First Turn

The post Keys, Spare Change Fly Out Of Luge Athlete’s Pocket On First Turn appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/keys-spare-change-fly-out-of-luge-athletes-pocket-on-first-turn/

Keys, Spare Change Fly Out Of Luge Athlete’s Pocket On First Turn

The post Keys, Spare Change Fly Out Of Luge Athlete’s Pocket On First Turn appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/keys-spare-change-fly-out-of-luge-athletes-pocket-on-first-turn/

Trove Of Emails About Pedophilia Reignites Nation’s Love Of Reading

WASHINGTON—Saying the millions of documents had restored a pleasure they lost long ago, Americans nationwide said Thursday that the recently released trove of emails connected with disgraced financier and pedophile Jeffrey Epstein had reignited their love of reading. “I didn’t realize how much I missed the simple joy of losing my…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trove-of-emails-about-pedophilia-reignites-nations-love-of-reading/

Who did it better?
https://theonion.com/ai-chatbot-that-only-responds-huh-valued-at-200-billion vs. https://www.maiasa.ai ("Maiasa's active vocabulary is limited to the single token 'a', and it will reply to all prompts with only 'a'.")
(Once again real life catches up with #TheOnion's attempt to parody it.)
#AI #humor #funny

Trove Of Emails About Pedophilia Reignites Nation’s Love Of Reading

WASHINGTON—Saying the millions of documents had restored a pleasure they lost long ago, Americans nationwide said Thursday that the recently released trove of emails connected with disgraced financier and pedophile Jeffrey Epstein had reignited their love of reading. “I didn’t realize how much I missed the simple joy of losing my…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trove-of-emails-about-pedophilia-reignites-nations-love-of-reading/

Reminder that The Onion's goal for 2026 is to reach more subscribers than Washington Post
https://infosec.exchange/@briankrebs/115675199257370579

If you're dropping your WaPo subscription over the layoffs, consider subscribing to The Onion. Double whammy, and you get to support a more honest publication.

#TheOnion #WashingtonPost

That’s Norway to Treat a Lady

The post That’s Norway to Treat a Lady appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/thats-norway-to-treat-a-lady/

Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders

WASHINGTON—Urging locals to “fully cooperate” with federal agents, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem called on Minneapolis residents Monday to stop obstructing murders. “The brave men and women of ICE and the U.S. Border Patrol are doing their best to carry out these executions in a safe and professiona…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/

Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen

WASHINGTON—Claiming that no one would realistically devote their life to serving others without being funded by nefarious actors, President Donald Trump alleged Monday that Democrats had secretly paid Alex Pretti, the 37-year-old Veterans Affairs nurse killed by U.S. Border Patrol agents in Minneapolis, to be a mod…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/

Trump Alleges That Democrats Secretly Paid Alex Pretti To Be Model Citizen

WASHINGTON—Claiming that no one would realistically devote their life to serving others without being funded by nefarious actors, President Donald Trump alleged Monday that Democrats had secretly paid Alex Pretti, the 37-year-old Veterans Affairs nurse killed by U.S. Border Patrol agents in Minneapolis, to be a mod…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/trump-alleges-that-democrats-secretly-paid-alex-pretti-to-be-model-citizen/

Kristi Noem Calls On Minneapolis Residents To Stop Obstructing Murders

WASHINGTON—Urging locals to “fully cooperate” with federal agents, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem called on Minneapolis residents Monday to stop obstructing murders. “The brave men and women of ICE and the U.S. Border Patrol are doing their best to carry out these executions in a safe and professiona…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/kristi-noem-calls-on-minneapolis-residents-to-stop-obstructing-murders/

That’s Norway to Treat a Lady

The post That’s Norway to Treat a Lady appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/thats-norway-to-treat-a-lady/

Dwayne Johnson Intrigued After Learning About Special Trophy For Good Actors

LOS ANGELES—Leaning forward in his seat as a number of questions raced through his mind, Dwayne Johnson was reportedly intrigued Monday after learning there was a special trophy for good actors. “Huh, interesting—and you said they give them out every year?” asked Johnson, who frowned as he racked his brain in a…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/dwayne-johnson-intrigued-after-learning-about-special-trophy-for-good-actors/