The Onion going hard in their year in review.
"Gang Initiate Forced To Peacefully Deescalate Conflict To Prove He Not A Cop"
https://theonion.com/gang-initiate-forced-to-peacefully-deescalate-conflict-to-prove-he-not-a-cop/
#TheOnion #humor #funny #ACAB
The Onion going hard in their year in review.
"Gang Initiate Forced To Peacefully Deescalate Conflict To Prove He Not A Cop"
https://theonion.com/gang-initiate-forced-to-peacefully-deescalate-conflict-to-prove-he-not-a-cop/
#TheOnion #humor #funny #ACAB
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
PROVIDENCE, RI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Rhode Island in which a lone attacker killed at least two individuals and injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Monday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from ta…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-regularly-happens-3/
Study Finds 80% Of Americans Lack Social Connections To Pull Off Heist
NEW HAVEN, CT—Shedding new light on a previously undocumented effect of loneliness, a team of psychologists at Yale University found that at least 80% of Americans lack the social connections necessary to pull off a heist. “When it comes to putting together a crew with the skills needed for a bank job or a jewel […]
The pos…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/study-finds-80-of-americans-lack-social-connections-to-pull-off-heist/
‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens
PROVIDENCE, RI—In the hours following a violent rampage in Rhode Island in which a lone attacker killed at least two individuals and injured several others, citizens living in the only country where this kind of mass killing routinely occurs reportedly concluded Monday that there was no way to prevent the massacre from ta…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-regularly-happens-3/
Alina Habba resigns as insane clown posse director of ASMR, editor of The Onion, federal prosecutor, and several other jobs she also didn't have
https://www.npr.org/2025/12/08/g-s1-101204/trump-attorney-new-jersey-habba
#USpol #NoBill #GovtCosplay #AlinaHabba #PamBondi #FriendsOfEpstein
#TheOnion certainly has a better take
Study Finds 80% Of Americans Lack Social Connections To Pull Off Heist
NEW HAVEN, CT—Shedding new light on a previously undocumented effect of loneliness, a team of psychologists at Yale University found that at least 80% of Americans lack the social connections necessary to pull off a heist. “When it comes to putting together a crew with the skills needed for a bank job or a jewel […]
The pos…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/study-finds-80-of-americans-lack-social-connections-to-pull-off-heist/
Japanese Monk RacksBrain For Haiku That Will KnockThem On Their Asses
HIRAIZUMI- CHŌ, NISHIIWAI, IWATE, JAPAN— Struggling to decide whether one on fall or spring would rock their shit more, Zen monk Ken Ito strained for a haiku to knock them on their asses. “I could mess them up with that Bashō one about the full moon’s splendor,” the Buddhist monk said Wednesday, seeing a tour […]
The post Ja…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/japanese-monk-racksbrain-for-haiku-that-will-knockthem-on-their-asses/
Japanese Monk RacksBrain For Haiku That Will KnockThem On Their Asses
HIRAIZUMI- CHŌ, NISHIIWAI, IWATE, JAPAN— Struggling to decide whether one on fall or spring would rock their shit more, Zen monk Ken Ito strained for a haiku to knock them on their asses. “I could mess them up with that Bashō one about the full moon’s splendor,” the Buddhist monk said Wednesday, seeing a tour […]
The post Ja…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/japanese-monk-racksbrain-for-haiku-that-will-knockthem-on-their-asses/
Not Sure How They Deal With Criminals In Your Town, But ’Round Here We Use A Restorative Justice Process
Well, well, well. What have we got here? Another city slicker who thinks he can waltz into my town and start causin’ all sorts of trouble. I’d be careful if I was you, fella. Because however they do things where you’re from, ’round here we have our own way o…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/not-sure-how-they-deal-with-criminals-in-your-town-but-round-here-we-use-a-restorative-justice-process/
"Think I’m bluffin’? Why don’t you ask the last guy who tried to argue that crime is a violation of the law and the state, rather’n a violation of people and relationships."
(1/1)
#satire #TheOnion
#RoughJustice #RoughLaw
(if you know, you know)
Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot
WASHINGTON—Reversing course after fierce backlash over the decision’s potentially divisive nature, the U.S. Coast Guard announced Friday that it would abandon plans to reclassify the swastika from a hate symbol to the military branch’s official mascot. “As of now, there are no ongoing plans to continue rolling out ‘Heily the Sailin’ S…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/coast-guard-backtracks-on-plan-to-reclassify-swastikas-as-mascot/
Coast Guard Backtracks On Plan To Reclassify Swastikas As Mascot
WASHINGTON—Reversing course after fierce backlash over the decision’s potentially divisive nature, the U.S. Coast Guard announced Friday that it would abandon plans to reclassify the swastika from a hate symbol to the military branch’s official mascot. “As of now, there are no ongoing plans to continue rolling out ‘Heily the Sailin’ S…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/coast-guard-backtracks-on-plan-to-reclassify-swastikas-as-mascot/
OpenAI Reveals ChatGPT Primarily Used To Ask If Hot Dog Too Old To Eat
SAN FRANCISCO—Shedding light on how consumers were most likely to interact with the popular software application, a new report published Thursday by OpenAI revealed that ChatGPT was primarily used to ask if hot dogs were too old to eat. “Our large-scale analysis found that 98% of our users are leveraging the computing powe…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/openai-reveals-chatgpt-primarily-used-to-ask-if-hot-dog-too-old-to-eat/
Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office
The post Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/gifted-khashoggi-head-mounted-in-oval-office/
Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office
The post Gifted Khashoggi Head Mounted In Oval Office appeared first on The Onion.
#theonion
https://theonion.com/gifted-khashoggi-head-mounted-in-oval-office/
OpenAI Reveals ChatGPT Primarily Used To Ask If Hot Dog Too Old To Eat
SAN FRANCISCO—Shedding light on how consumers were most likely to interact with the popular software application, a new report published Thursday by OpenAI revealed that ChatGPT was primarily used to ask if hot dogs were too old to eat. “Our large-scale analysis found that 98% of our users are leveraging the computing powe…
#theonion
https://theonion.com/openai-reveals-chatgpt-primarily-used-to-ask-if-hot-dog-too-old-to-eat/
