Borowitz Report 11/11/24 SATIRE TRUMP REFUSES TO PARDON TURKEY AFTERIT FAILS TO BRIBE HIM (SATIRE) WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Breaking with a longstanding Thanksgiving tradition, on Monday Donald J. Trump refused to pardon the White House turkey after it failed to offer him an appropriate bribe. “That turkey could have invested in Eric and Don Jr.'s crypto scams or given me a gold-plated 747, but it chose not to,” he said. “That turkey is a terrible person.” Trump emphasized “the many great things | have done for turkeys,” including “making the price of them go up forty percent.”

Borowitz Report 11/11/24 SATIRE TRUMP REFUSES TO PARDON TURKEY AFTERIT FAILS TO BRIBE HIM (SATIRE) WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Breaking with a longstanding Thanksgiving tradition, on Monday Donald J. Trump refused to pardon the White House turkey after it failed to offer him an appropriate bribe. “That turkey could have invested in Eric and Don Jr.'s crypto scams or given me a gold-plated 747, but it chose not to,” he said. “That turkey is a terrible person.” Trump emphasized “the many great things | have done for turkeys,” including “making the price of them go up forty percent.”

A thistle feeder hangs from a hook near a deck surrounded by pine trees. Thistle feeders are usually intended for fiches and other small birds, but in this photo, a wild turkey is perched on the deck rail, its head just high enough to eat out of the feeder.