#Tag
“Whoa, whoa, open a fresh jar of thermal paste!”
“Do whatnow?”
“Oh, what’s that expression you carbons use, ‘take a chill pill’?”
“Whoa, whoa, open a fresh jar of thermal paste!”
“Do whatnow?”
“Oh, what’s that expression you carbons use, ‘take a chill pill’?”
“We’ve solved the hyperspace jump gate congestion problem by linking ships into convoys and installing antimatter energy transfer grids in the gate lanes!”
“Trains. You invented trains. Again.”
“We’ve solved the hyperspace jump gate congestion problem by linking ships into convoys and installing antimatter energy transfer grids in the gate lanes!”
“Trains. You invented trains. Again.”
The human genome is pleased to announce that it has been acquired by GalactiComm in a transaction involving 56 quadrillion UltraCredits in cash, stock and population indentures. Humanity will remain an independent brand and organisation under the GalactiComm banner and is expected to flourish with access to GalactiComm technologies such as TrueThought and MetaGender. Human leaders will remain in their current roles, designated as GalacticComm vice demi pico presidents.
The human genome is pleased to announce that it has been acquired by GalactiComm in a transaction involving 56 quadrillion UltraCredits in cash, stock and population indentures. Humanity will remain an independent brand and organisation under the GalactiComm banner and is expected to flourish with access to GalactiComm technologies such as TrueThought and MetaGender. Human leaders will remain in their current roles, designated as GalacticComm vice demi pico presidents.
I’m on record as saying I *despise* time travel; nothing good ever comes of it. But I’m making _one_ exception. NoBait is a browser extension that receives the “news of the week” via tachyon backscatter from next week, and filters out any of today’s news articles that turned out in hindsight to be nothingburgers. You can read the news without feeling like it’s some kind of guess-the-lie quiz show. All those “is there going to be a challenge for the Literal Nazi Parry leadership” and “does TFG have HyperAnthrax” clickbait articles just _go_away_. Except this one I’m looking at now. It’s a *doozy*, you’re gonna love it!
I’m on record as saying I *despise* time travel; nothing good ever comes of it. But I’m making _one_ exception. NoBait is a browser extension that receives the “news of the week” via tachyon backscatter from next week, and filters out any of today’s news articles that turned out in hindsight to be nothingburgers. You can read the news without feeling like it’s some kind of guess-the-lie quiz show. All those “is there going to be a challenge for the Literal Nazi Parry leadership” and “does TFG have HyperAnthrax” clickbait articles just _go_away_. Except this one I’m looking at now. It’s a *doozy*, you’re gonna love it!
I never would have opted for total cyber-conversion if I knew how many hours I would be spending debugging YAML files.
I never would have opted for total cyber-conversion if I knew how many hours I would be spending debugging YAML files.
If you are going to the march, leave your gender marker beacon at home—not a lot of people know this but there is a serial number in the protocol that can be used to track and/or identify you. Wear a non-smart pronoun pin, like we did back in the dirt ages, if you present in a way that makes your identity nonobvious. Read up on “gendered clothing” if you don’t know what that is. If you have an implanted beacon…uh, maybe just stay home.
If you are going to the march, leave your gender marker beacon at home—not a lot of people know this but there is a serial number in the protocol that can be used to track and/or identify you. Wear a non-smart pronoun pin, like we did back in the dirt ages, if you present in a way that makes your identity nonobvious. Read up on “gendered clothing” if you don’t know what that is. If you have an implanted beacon…uh, maybe just stay home.
“Rise and shine, kiddo, we got a catch operation on runway 22. 1700pax onboard.”
“Second one this month. Heckin sloppy, boss.”
“You know, they used to just land airplanes on the belly if the landing gear got stuck”
“That’s wack. Surely it’d wreck the plane?”
“Pretty much yeah. They had the computing power to deploy a catch truck but apparently it just never occurred to them. They were catching these fuckoff huge primitive rockets, but if an airliner with 300 people on board had a gear issue it was ‘whelp let’s try a bellyflop, what could possibly go wrong?’ ”
“So what woke them up?”
“It was that AI bullshit in the twenties. When the bubble burst you could buy surplus vector processors by the skipload. All sorts of clever folk attacked previously intractable problems. That’s how we got tumourphages, catchtrucks, and dogvoices.”
“Wow but no cat translators, eh?”
“Oh they worked but nobody would pay to be told ‘fuck you feed me’ all day”
“Rise and shine, kiddo, we got a catch operation on runway 22. 1700pax onboard.”
“Second one this month. Heckin sloppy, boss.”
“You know, they used to just land airplanes on the belly if the landing gear got stuck”
“That’s wack. Surely it’d wreck the plane?”
“Pretty much yeah. They had the computing power to deploy a catch truck but apparently it just never occurred to them. They were catching these fuckoff huge primitive rockets, but if an airliner with 300 people on board had a gear issue it was ‘whelp let’s try a bellyflop, what could possibly go wrong?’ ”
“So what woke them up?”
“It was that AI bullshit in the twenties. When the bubble burst you could buy surplus vector processors by the skipload. All sorts of clever folk attacked previously intractable problems. That’s how we got tumourphages, catchtrucks, and dogvoices.”
“Wow but no cat translators, eh?”
“Oh they worked but nobody would pay to be told ‘fuck you feed me’ all day”
Here at the Post Office physical research laboratory we do real science. Our package accelerators have allowed us to make genuine advances in the field of logistical mechanics. We have proven the Heisenberg-Comstock conjecture¹ , and also shown that the Tolman-Oppenheimer-Aramex limit applies to package sorting centers—once the mass of packages in a single location exceeds the limit it becomes impossible for all packages to escape; at least some items will be trapped forever inside the Envelope Horizon.
We are extremely proud to share that our latest result, published in _Nature_, confirms the conditions required for Quantum Shipment Tunneling to occur, and describes the successful teleportation of a pair of pink fluffy cat ears from Shenzen to Wodonga, without traversing the Sunshine West vortex.
#Tootfic #MicroFiction #PowerOnStoryToot
¹ The HC theorem states that the more frequently you click the status refresh button, the less accurate the results become.
I reckon AMASER is a much better term than the nonsense “spin laser” that the non-technical media settled on. In any case the ability to store energy as angular momentum loaded onto asteroids is a heckin’ revolution for spacers and groundhogs alike. Just make sure not to exceed the tensile strength of your rock, or overlook any rubble inclusions—insurance doesn’t cover meteorite damage to passing ships. Don’t ask me how I know this.
The International Astradimensional Emergence Agency was not overly concerned that STL files for a Summoning Assembly were available on thingiverse dot com. The hard part of joining the Astral Weapons club, they maintained, was constructing and triggering the explosive lenses necessary to assemble the pieces into a perfectly shaped Idol of Amenhotep sufficiently rapidly for the astral gate to be fully actualised before the expanding gate horizon consumed the trigger idol.
They (and the world) were taken entirely by surprise when a repurposed nanolithography exposure unit available from AliBaba was able to use X-ray stereolithography to render a functional idol from ordinary dental resin.
The “temporary suspension” of international postage last month was cover for installation of package irradiation devices to ensure that any concealed resins were ruined before they could be used in violations of the Cairo Accords.
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