#Tag
Bonus #Joke
Q: What’s another name for an artificial Christmas tree?
A: Faux fir.
(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)
#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #DadJoke #DadJokes #Christmas #ChristmasTrees
"Killing civilians only became a problem, because you journalists would not sign the document demanding you only report the news Pete Hegseth approves! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!!!"
— The fascist regime.
Bonus #Joke
Q: What’s another name for an artificial Christmas tree?
A: Faux fir.
(It's #HootinTootinTuesday again! Post some jokes or funny memes under this hashtag today, and bring lots of smiles to #Mastodon.)
#Humor #Humour #FunnyMeme #DadJoke #DadJokes #Christmas #ChristmasTrees
I had a call from a scammer the other day
Me: “Hello.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”
Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”
Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>;
NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s OK sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device sir?”
Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”
Me: “I think it's already on.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize it had a name.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, now press on Internet Options.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “OK, it’s the same as before.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s OK sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “OK sir. Please press that button.”
Me: “Ok.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. The door popped open.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”
Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.”
As seen elsewhere, thought you fedi-people deserved to see this as well ;-)
Artist: Montro aka Tomas De Santis
As seen elsewhere, thought you fedi-people deserved to see this as well ;-)
Artist: Montro aka Tomas De Santis
🇪🇺 Now hiring 🇪🇺
Psychologist specialized in narcissism. Must work from office in Bruxelles and be prepared to join politicians on trips to Washington D.C.
Will be responsible for advising politicians on which gifts to bring, which compliments to use to get narcissist patient to behave.
Apply for a great opportunity to save the free world.
I had a call from a scammer the other day
Me: “Hello.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device.”
Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Oh yes, we have many reports.”
Me: “Oh jeez. How can I fix it?”>;
NOT-Microsoft support: “It’s OK sir. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device sir?”
Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, we are going to help you. Can you please push the Start button?”
Me: “I think it's already on.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Okay, sir. Now you want to click on Control Panel.”
Me: “I don’t see that.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”
Me: “Yes.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize it had a name.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, now press on Internet Options.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “OK, it’s the same as before.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s OK sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “There must be an off button on your device. How do you stop it when it’s running?”
Me: “In those cases, I usually press the big button.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “OK sir. Please press that button.”
Me: “Ok.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Is your device off?”
Me: “No. The door popped open.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Door? Is there a disc inside the door?”
Me: “No, there’s a burrito.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”
Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.”
⁂ Article
Parents who do not recognize their children's talents 😱⚠️😾
Monday morning at school, the teacher lined up all the students to present their weekend homework assignment:
“Sell something, and explain your sales strategy.”
Sally went first.
“I sold Girl Scout cookies and made $30,” she said proudly.
“My approach was appealing to people’s sense of community and supporting local troops.”
“Excellent, Sally,” said the teacher.
Next up was Jenny.
“I sold magazines and made $45,” she said.
“I told people it would keep them up to date on world events.”
“Very good, Jenny,” the teacher nodded.
Then came Little Johnny, lugging a giant cardboard box that he plopped on the teacher’s desk.
Out spilled a mountain of cash.
The teacher blinked. “Johnny… how much did you make?”
“Two thousand, one hundred sixty-seven dollars.”
The class gasped. “What were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes.”
The teacher blinked again. “Toothbrushes?! How on earth did you sell that many?”
Johnny grinned. “At first, I couldn’t sell a single one. Nobody cared about toothbrushes. So I changed my strategy.”
“I set up a free chips and dip stand downtown during the lunch rush. Everyone who came by tried the dip.”
He paused. “And every single person said the same thing”
“Ew! This tastes like dog crap!”
Johnny nodded. “‘It is, I told them. Now… would you like to buy a toothbrush?’”
The class erupted in laughter.
The teacher, barely keeping a straight face, said, “Johnny… that’s disgusting! But… oddly impressive. What do you call that sales strategy?”
Johnny shrugged. “The government method: give people something crappy for free, then make them pay to fix it.”
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