'(vidak) _(:3」∠)_
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This week's data science gag in Private Eye.
This week's data science gag in Private Eye.
calvin 🛋️
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Quixoticgeek
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While walking down the street one day a politician is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. . “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the lady.
“Well, I’d like to but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” says the head of state.
“I’m sorry but we have our rules.” And with that, St. Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and she finds herself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all her friends and other politicians who had worked with her, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet her, hug her, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before she realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for her. “Now it’s time to visit Heaven.” So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.
They have a good time and, before she realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. “Well then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.”
She reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: “Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.”
So Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and she is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. She sees all her friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.
The Devil comes over to her and lays his arm on her neck. “I don’t understand,” stammers the head of state. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
The Devil looks at her, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!”
While walking down the street one day a politician is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. . “Welcome to Heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the lady.
“Well, I’d like to but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.”
“Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,” says the head of state.
“I’m sorry but we have our rules.” And with that, St. Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and she finds herself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all her friends and other politicians who had worked with her, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet her, hug her, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that, before she realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for her. “Now it’s time to visit Heaven.” So 24 hours pass with the head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing.
They have a good time and, before she realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. “Well then, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity.”
She reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: “Well, I would never have said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell.”
So Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator and she goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and she is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. She sees all her friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.
The Devil comes over to her and lays his arm on her neck. “I don’t understand,” stammers the head of state. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
The Devil looks at her, smiles and says, “Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!”
Ben
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@TheBreadmonkey it reminds me of the #joke
Husband comes home and says to his wife, I have saved a pound today: I didn't get on the bus, I just ran after it. The wife says, you fool, you should have run after a taxi, you would have saved more!
What is happening
UK citizens to be able to travel to China visa-free
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/cly9p5kr2q7t
@TheBreadmonkey it reminds me of the #joke
Husband comes home and says to his wife, I have saved a pound today: I didn't get on the bus, I just ran after it. The wife says, you fool, you should have run after a taxi, you would have saved more!
phildini
and 1 other
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Marky Mark still hasn't updated the old Threads.net domain in the #Fediverse to the new Threads.com
Guess his superintelligence wasn't up to the challenge 🤖
On a side note: If #Meta wants a product to be "cool", @zuck should not wear it! 😎
❌ #Demeta now: https://www.reddit.com/r/DeMeta
#threads #ai #facebook #it #humor #mastodon #markzuckerberg #profile #joke #threadsnet #threadscom #tech #socialmedia #domain #online #internet #it #update #funny #superintelligence #zuck #artificialintelligence #ki
calvin 🛋️
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Angela Antunovic
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A plane was about to crash, and
there were only four parachutes onboard - but five people. The first passenger, a world-famous football star, said,
"I'm at the top of my career. I can't die now!" He grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The second passenger, a very wealthy businessman, said,I'm one of the richest people alive. I'm still needed!" He took another parachute and jumped.
The third passenger, a politician, said, "I'm one of the smartest leaders around. My people need me!" He grabbed a parachute and jumped.
That left an elderly priest and a young schoolgirl.
The priest said kindly, "My child, you take the last parachute. Il sacrifice myself." The little girl smiled and replied, "No need, sir.
There are stil! two parachutes left." Surprised, the priest asked, "How's that possible?"
She replied, "The politician took my school bag."
A plane was about to crash, and
there were only four parachutes onboard - but five people. The first passenger, a world-famous football star, said,
"I'm at the top of my career. I can't die now!" He grabbed a parachute and jumped.
The second passenger, a very wealthy businessman, said,I'm one of the richest people alive. I'm still needed!" He took another parachute and jumped.
The third passenger, a politician, said, "I'm one of the smartest leaders around. My people need me!" He grabbed a parachute and jumped.
That left an elderly priest and a young schoolgirl.
The priest said kindly, "My child, you take the last parachute. Il sacrifice myself." The little girl smiled and replied, "No need, sir.
There are stil! two parachutes left." Surprised, the priest asked, "How's that possible?"
She replied, "The politician took my school bag."
Jess Mahler
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Pepé Le Pew needs to eat and goes to a communist pizza restaurant. But the hostess says that there is a wait.
Just then, Minnie Mouse walks in and is immediately seated.
Pepé objects: "but I was first in line!"
To which the hostess replies: "The needs of the Minnie outweigh the needs of the Pew."