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Jen Sorensen
Jen Sorensen
@jensorensen@mastodon.social  ·  activity timestamp 3 weeks ago
INTRODUCING A HOT NEW STARTUP! Logo on wall: MurderKorp™ BROCK SKEEVES, CEO Brock: OUR BUSINESS MODEL IS SIMPLE: CONNECTING CUSTOMERS WITH ORDINARY PEOPLE WILLING TO MURDER SOMEONE FOR THEM! AN IPO IS ROLLED OUT TV business show anchor: SHARES OF MURDERKORP ARE SLAYING TODAY! IT'S ALL GREEN FOR A COMPANY THAT'S ALWAYS IN THE RED, HA HA! Chart showing shares of MRDR climbing SOME EXPRESS CONCERN Woman: THIS IS COMPLETELY IMMORAL! NOT TO MENTION SOCIOPATHIC! Brock: TSK TSK. IF YOU TRY TO REGULATE THIS INDUSTRY, YOU'RE GOING TO HURT ORDINARY AMERICANS. WE NEED JOBS, NOT EMPATHY. BUSINESS LEADERS WELCOME IT INTO THE FOLD Executive clinking champagne glasses with Brock: WE'VE ALWAYS KILLED PEOPLE INDIRECTLY-- DENYING HEALTHCARE CLAIMS, POLLUTING, GUTTING WORKER SAFETY LAWS--BUT IT'S TIME TO CUT TO THE CHASE! CHEERS!
INTRODUCING A HOT NEW STARTUP! Logo on wall: MurderKorp™ BROCK SKEEVES, CEO Brock: OUR BUSINESS MODEL IS SIMPLE: CONNECTING CUSTOMERS WITH ORDINARY PEOPLE WILLING TO MURDER SOMEONE FOR THEM! AN IPO IS ROLLED OUT TV business show anchor: SHARES OF MURDERKORP ARE SLAYING TODAY! IT'S ALL GREEN FOR A COMPANY THAT'S ALWAYS IN THE RED, HA HA! Chart showing shares of MRDR climbing SOME EXPRESS CONCERN Woman: THIS IS COMPLETELY IMMORAL! NOT TO MENTION SOCIOPATHIC! Brock: TSK TSK. IF YOU TRY TO REGULATE THIS INDUSTRY, YOU'RE GOING TO HURT ORDINARY AMERICANS. WE NEED JOBS, NOT EMPATHY. BUSINESS LEADERS WELCOME IT INTO THE FOLD Executive clinking champagne glasses with Brock: WE'VE ALWAYS KILLED PEOPLE INDIRECTLY-- DENYING HEALTHCARE CLAIMS, POLLUTING, GUTTING WORKER SAFETY LAWS--BUT IT'S TIME TO CUT TO THE CHASE! CHEERS!
INTRODUCING A HOT NEW STARTUP! Logo on wall: MurderKorp™ BROCK SKEEVES, CEO Brock: OUR BUSINESS MODEL IS SIMPLE: CONNECTING CUSTOMERS WITH ORDINARY PEOPLE WILLING TO MURDER SOMEONE FOR THEM! AN IPO IS ROLLED OUT TV business show anchor: SHARES OF MURDERKORP ARE SLAYING TODAY! IT'S ALL GREEN FOR A COMPANY THAT'S ALWAYS IN THE RED, HA HA! Chart showing shares of MRDR climbing SOME EXPRESS CONCERN Woman: THIS IS COMPLETELY IMMORAL! NOT TO MENTION SOCIOPATHIC! Brock: TSK TSK. IF YOU TRY TO REGULATE THIS INDUSTRY, YOU'RE GOING TO HURT ORDINARY AMERICANS. WE NEED JOBS, NOT EMPATHY. BUSINESS LEADERS WELCOME IT INTO THE FOLD Executive clinking champagne glasses with Brock: WE'VE ALWAYS KILLED PEOPLE INDIRECTLY-- DENYING HEALTHCARE CLAIMS, POLLUTING, GUTTING WORKER SAFETY LAWS--BUT IT'S TIME TO CUT TO THE CHASE! CHEERS!
Djoerd Hiemstra 🍉 and 1 other boosted
Jen Sorensen
Jen Sorensen
@jensorensen@mastodon.social  ·  activity timestamp 4 weeks ago
DEEP STAFFING CUTS AT THE FDA HAVE LED TO A DRAMATIC DROP IN FOREIGN FOOD SAFETY INSPECTIONS. SUITED OFFICIAL IN DISGUSTING SHRIMP PROCESSING PLANT: WE’RE JUST MAKING THINGS MORE EFFICIENT! SOME THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA. LISTERIA BEHIND LECTERN REPRESENTING ILL International Listeria League: FINALLY GOVERNMENT IS HELPING THE LITTLE GUY -THE HARD-WORKING FOODBORNE PATHOGEN! OFFICIAL: AMERICANS NEED TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY AND BE SELF-RELIANT -BY PURCHASING THEIR OWN FOOD-TESTING LABS! WOMAN IN KITCHEN TESTING FOOD ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE ONE! IT'S GOOD FOR HUMANITY, ACTUALLY! OFFICIAL: WE'RE EUGENICALLY CREATING A RACE OF SUPERHUMANS WHO CAN EAT TOXINS! IN BACKGROUND: MAN COVERED IN SLOP EATING OUT OF GARBAGE CAN OFFICIAL: IS THAT YOU, BOBBY JR.? ©2025 Jen Sorensen
DEEP STAFFING CUTS AT THE FDA HAVE LED TO A DRAMATIC DROP IN FOREIGN FOOD SAFETY INSPECTIONS. SUITED OFFICIAL IN DISGUSTING SHRIMP PROCESSING PLANT: WE’RE JUST MAKING THINGS MORE EFFICIENT! SOME THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA. LISTERIA BEHIND LECTERN REPRESENTING ILL International Listeria League: FINALLY GOVERNMENT IS HELPING THE LITTLE GUY -THE HARD-WORKING FOODBORNE PATHOGEN! OFFICIAL: AMERICANS NEED TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY AND BE SELF-RELIANT -BY PURCHASING THEIR OWN FOOD-TESTING LABS! WOMAN IN KITCHEN TESTING FOOD ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE ONE! IT'S GOOD FOR HUMANITY, ACTUALLY! OFFICIAL: WE'RE EUGENICALLY CREATING A RACE OF SUPERHUMANS WHO CAN EAT TOXINS! IN BACKGROUND: MAN COVERED IN SLOP EATING OUT OF GARBAGE CAN OFFICIAL: IS THAT YOU, BOBBY JR.? ©2025 Jen Sorensen
DEEP STAFFING CUTS AT THE FDA HAVE LED TO A DRAMATIC DROP IN FOREIGN FOOD SAFETY INSPECTIONS. SUITED OFFICIAL IN DISGUSTING SHRIMP PROCESSING PLANT: WE’RE JUST MAKING THINGS MORE EFFICIENT! SOME THINK THIS IS A GREAT IDEA. LISTERIA BEHIND LECTERN REPRESENTING ILL International Listeria League: FINALLY GOVERNMENT IS HELPING THE LITTLE GUY -THE HARD-WORKING FOODBORNE PATHOGEN! OFFICIAL: AMERICANS NEED TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY AND BE SELF-RELIANT -BY PURCHASING THEIR OWN FOOD-TESTING LABS! WOMAN IN KITCHEN TESTING FOOD ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE ONE! IT'S GOOD FOR HUMANITY, ACTUALLY! OFFICIAL: WE'RE EUGENICALLY CREATING A RACE OF SUPERHUMANS WHO CAN EAT TOXINS! IN BACKGROUND: MAN COVERED IN SLOP EATING OUT OF GARBAGE CAN OFFICIAL: IS THAT YOU, BOBBY JR.? ©2025 Jen Sorensen